


The Corners of This Room

by wyback



Category: Mai-HiME, Mai-Otome
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Minor Canonical Character(s), Shoujo-ai, Yuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-13
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-25 06:16:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 39,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2611472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyback/pseuds/wyback
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Natsuki thinks that because we're both women who like women, our love is the same. She doesn't understand. My love for her is, and has always been, different..." In a world where Otomes are supposed to relinquish any chance at happiness, this is the story of a love that wasn't supposed to exist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Past: Coral

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: If I owned Mai Otome or Mai HiME, I'd be making a ShizNat-centric episode by now. The only thing I claim is the story below.  
> Distribution: So long as the credits are intact, feel free to save a personal copy. If you plan to post it somewhere, just ask. :)  
> Spoilers: Plenty for Mai Otome, the anime. Maybe some Mai HiME too, because they're related.  
> Author's Notes:  
> This is my first ShizNat fic. I didn't plan to write one (and many apologies to those who were expecting an update on my Noir fic - it's coming, just later) but this story pretty much grabbed me and ran. The first parts take place some years before the events of Mai Otome. The way ShizNat meet in this story isn't canon, but as far as I'm concerned, ShizNat itself is canon in Mai Otome. ;) If you want to read a canon-close take on how ShizNat met, I highly recommend Leebot's "Oneesama," which is based on the Otome drama CD. Mine will have a different take on how Shizuru and Natsuki met, fought and fell in love over the years, though the rest of the Otomeverse will be (mostly) canon. Thanks to xxmadlaxx for taking the time to beta this fic!

**THE CORNERS OF THIS ROOM**  
By: wyback  
© 2014

 

**1: The Past - Coral**

Natsuki thinks that because we're both women who like women, our love is the same. She doesn't understand. My love for her is, and has always been, different.

I'm Shizuro Viola, scion of a rich and noble house, but that means nothing next to the fact that I am the most deadly of weapons. I am an Otome, a supersoldier renowned and sought after for my battle dance. Entire armies would fall before me. Only another Otome would stand a chance. Women, and more than a few men, adore me.

When Natsuki and I graduated, we were offered the chance to replace the Pillars who were retiring to have their own families at the time. Being a Pillar is the closest an Otome can come to freedom, or at least to being able to live and die by her own will. Otomes are usually bound to their masters; the best among us serve royalty and the heads of state. But Pillars are bound to the Predecessor, the first Otome, and in this way we serve, not the interest of any one country or king, but the good of Garderobe Academy, the affairs of Otomes in general and in no small sense, the world.

But it wasn't always that way.

I was a Pearl in my last year at Garderobe when I met her. I was finishing my classes when she approached, a girl with long hair so black and shiny that it gleamed with tints of blue under the sunlight streaming through the windows. I was surrounded by a number of students my classmates teasingly called my "fans" but that didn't deter her. She marched towards me with head down and clenched fists, and blocked the middle of the hallway until I was forced to acknowledge her.

"Viola-senpai," she began, and I had to hide my amusement because it had been so long since anyone had said my name through clenched teeth like that.

"Yes?" I prodded, though I'd already guessed what this was about.

"Please make me your heya-gakkari." Her "please" sounded so aggravated that a few of my fans gasped indignantly on my behalf. A heya-gakkari or room attendant is a Coral or first year who assists a senior Pearl in mundane things like keeping their room neat or preparing lunch. In return, the Pearls mentored their attendants. Somewhere during that process, the bond between the students often deepened into sisterhood or friendship.

"You don't sound very happy about it," I observed nonchalantly.

Only at my words did the girl look up, straight into my eyes, and - just like that - I was lost. Viridian fire leapt from those eyes. Her defiant glare engulfed me. _Like the wide, fathomless sea,_ the thought came out of nowhere, _I could drown in those eyes._

"Your name?" I asked, though I already knew. It was to buy myself time, so my heart would stop its sudden pounding.

"Natsuki Kruger." The Coral was turning red at the attention she was receiving. Obviously she was unaccustomed to a crowd. Her glare was even beginning to turn on some of the onlookers, which only served to pique their interest more. If I did take her on, I was going to have my hands full.

I turned to the girls milling around us. Several were already throwing unfriendly glances at the newcomer. "Please excuse us, it seems Kruger-san and I have much to discuss." They dispersed unwillingly but in a minute we were alone.

I told her we should try things out for a few days and see if we suited each other. But in reality it was practically a foregone conclusion. The instructors had already asked me to, and it would be advantageous if they remembered how graciously I acceded to such an unusual request. What I didn't count on was my feelings on the matter. Suddenly, getting to know this girl was something I very much wanted to do.

_*** **Some days earlier** ***_

"Ah first Pearl Viola, come in." Miss Maria Graceburt was Garderobe Academy's stern mistress of student affairs for as long as anyone could remember. She indicated the chair across from her. "I have a favor to ask of you."

"Of course, m'am," I replied politely as I took my seat. It was not a "yes" exactly, but signaled a willingness to listen that Miss Maria would find pleasing.

"I understand you've not yet selected a room attendant. There's a new Coral, Natsuki Kruger, from the country of Aries..."

She launched into a story that I only half-listened to as I served each of us tea from the pot on a nearby table. Basically, this new girl had potential but her attitude left a lot to be desired. She skipped classes and barely made an effort when she was present. Although she scored well during battle dances and tests, her manner steadily pulled her down in the rankings. This was highly unusual. Girls from all over the known world fought for a slot at Garderobe Academy. Even then, acceptance was only the beginning. Since only one or two out of three Corals made it to the level of Pearl, competition among the students was fierce.

"I don't understand, ma'am. If she doesn't like it here..." Then this Kruger girl should simply drop out. Plenty of girls would happily take her place.

Miss Maria's lips compressed into a thin line. "It appears she has some talent. Her dance is robust...though lacking in grace."

 _Ah so Miss Maria's not exactly happy about this either._ I sipped my tea quietly, waiting for what was next. The promise they saw in Natsuki must be extraordinary, because I learned that this wasn't the first intervention.

They had already tried to push her by assigning her to the same room as Mai Tokiha, the current number one Coral. Although that had led to some improvement, "we feel she would benefit from a Pearl's guidance. For this reason," Miss Maria concluded, "we ask that you consider her."

Naturally, I assented as graciously as I could. While Miss Maria had diplomatically couched it as a request, it was obvious that I could hardly refuse. At the time, I was torn between annoyance and intrigue. What could they possibly see in her that was worth all this? The annoyance vanished once I met Natsuki Kruger, and if anything I became just as determined to see her stay at Garderobe.

*** **_A few days later_** ***

My attraction and interest in Natsuki didn't lessen in the days that followed. If it were just her green eyes and beauty, I believe I would've gotten over it in time. Instead, the more I got to know the reluctant Coral, the more I became drawn to her. Her cool aloofness, I learned, was only one facet of her personality. Beneath it was a genuine and thoughtful concern for the people around her. For example, she was very protective of her roommate, Mai. As first Coral, Mai faced a lot of competition and some of the students used underhanded methods, like spreading vicious rumors about her. Natsuki got into a lot of shouting matches that week.

Gradually, that concern extended to me. I hadn't made her my attendant officially yet because I was getting people used to the idea of seeing us together. Eventually, this would minimize any opposition or ill feelings generated by the way Natsuki had first approached me. So Natsuki and I began to spend time together, and we would often walk around the grounds and fall into conversation. She eventually began to open up to me. She even started doing small tasks for my benefit. Not once did she press me for an answer to her request. Because the idea was so foreign to me, it took me awhile to figure out that she wasn't doing these things with any particular end in mind, but because she genuinely wanted to help me out somehow.

One evening, a knock sounded on my door. "Viola-senpai?"

"Come in." I turned from my desk as the door to the room I shared with Haruka, the number two Pearl, opened. I was surprised to see Natsuki bearing a tray of food. "Ara, is it that late already?"

"I thought I'd bring your dinner since you didn't make it to the cafeteria." Natsuki placed the tray down on the only empty space on my desk. She glanced curiously at the piles of paper that littered the sizable table. "Do all Pearls have to do this much work?" she asked, faintly horrified.

I grinned at her obvious dismay. Unlike me, Natsuki's feelings showed up fairly frequently on her face. "No. That bunch is homework. This," I indicated the papers currently in front of me, "is Trias paperwork." If I were more like Natsuki, there'd be a scowl on my face at this point, too. "The leading three Pearls become members of the Trias, Garderobe's student council, so there's that on top of the usual school work."

"Oh, I didn't realize. I guess you're too busy..."

 _Hmm, so this isn't just a regular visit?_ "No, it's time for a break." I smiled at her. "Does Natsuki want to share?"

"I already had dinner, Viola-senpai -"

"Oneesama," I interjected smoothly, as I began to eat.

"Huh?"

"If you're going to be my heya-gakkari, you can call me 'oneesama,' Shizuru-san, or even just Shizuru," I pointed out. "You shouldn't address me as if we barely know each other, when plenty of the younger students already call me 'Shizuru-oneesama.'"

She grimaced at that, and I could tell that it annoyed her, the legion of fans that followed me around. "How do you stand it?"

"What do you mean?" Idly, I noticed that I liked the food that Natsuki had chosen for me. None of the food I disliked was on the tray, while certain dishes I was partial to were. I wondered if that meant that she'd taken the time to find out what I liked. Also, she'd chosen simpler but well-prepared fare over the intricate, often disastrous, experiments that some of the Corals tried to show off with. But then, Natsuki would be the type who preferred something well-made over something flashy.

"Everyone following you around all the time, acting as if they know more about you than they really do. Doesn't it get irritating?"

"Natsuki has a problem with people who show their admiration?" I pushed back from the table and got up. The Coral had settled next to my desk with her back to the wall. In a few steps I was in front of her. "Or perhaps," I hazarded, my voice dipping into huskiness as my attraction to this fierce, beautiful girl manifested itself, "Natsuki is jealous?"

Deep green eyes went wide as I leaned forward and placed my hands on her shoulders. Our faces were inches away from each other, and it took everything I had not to immediately close that distance.

"You don't need to be," I murmured. I knew that a good many regarded me as more than fair, with my feminine mien, chestnut waves and eyes the color of warm wine. So there was a chance. And if Natsuki returned my attraction by even one iota, I knew I would kiss her, and possibly more. Though many chased me, the truth was I hadn't kissed anyone since I was a Coral. Appearances and heavy flirting aside, my focus upon first becoming a Pearl was to rise in the rankings. My family expected no less than a Trias ranking. When I overshot that mark, their main reaction had been one of sheer satisfaction rather than any kind of congratulations.

"Shi-shizuru!" Natsuki exclaimed in panic as my lips hovered ever closer to hers.

 _She doesn't feel the same way._ The realization cut much deeper than simple disappointment would have. I smoothly redirected so that my lips only brushed the hair that swept over her forehead. "Thank you for dinner." I tried to keep my tone light but in reality I felt like a fool. Normally, I only made a move like this if the other person was just as clearly interested in what I had to offer. What was it about this girl that made me want to gamble? I didn't even realize how much of a gamble it was until I stepped away, and saw that Natsuki's hands were curled into fists.

 _Would she have hit me?_ _She hates the thought of me touching her that much?_ With my pride in tatters, I tried to end this horrible night. "If that's all, I still have a lot of work -"

"Is that what you expect from me?" She was blushing but her steady gaze was deadly serious. "If I were your heya-gakkari, would you want..." Natsuki trailed off and it was priceless, really, because she couldn't even bring herself to say the words. Then she squared her shoulders, and that defiant gleam was back in her eyes. "I know some Pearls have...relationships with their attendants. Is that what you expect? Because if it is... If you accept me, I'll do my best as your attendant, but you need to know that I won't ever - I'm not one of your goddamn fan girls!"

My eyebrows rose at her outburst over my 'goddamn fan girls' as she put it. "Is Aries a very conservative country?" I asked in amazement. "Is it one of those strange places that pretend girls don't have their own minds or desires?"

"Of course not!" she denied hotly.

"Then there's no need to insult people just because they feel so strongly about something that they need to be open about it, is there?" I chided. "There's nothing wrong with expressing admiration, Natsuki, for as long as it doesn't overstep certain bounds. Nor do I lose anything by being pleasant about it. Unless," another possibility occurred to me, "are you one of those people who believe that Otomes should be like the ancients' vestal virgins? The process has been explained to you, right? That the nanomachines in our blood are susceptible to male chromosomes, and that we risk developing an immunity if we have sex with men? But even if you were to kiss a man, that wouldn't -"

"I know all that!" Natsuki cut me off hastily. She was as red as a tomato now.

"Then what is it?" Her reaction baffled me.

"Kissing and what follows, it shouldn't be taken so - so lightly!"

Silence reigned for a few seconds. "I see," I said slowly. "Natsuki is a romantic."

"Gah!" Now she looked like she wanted to hit her head on the nearest hard surface.

"Well," I told her gently, "there's nothing wrong with that either." In truth, I found her response touching, mainly because it had been so long since someone had expressed a sentiment so completely...naive around me. I may have once felt that way myself. Like maybe when I was nine, before all the lessons on strategy started. "If Natsuki becomes my heya-gakkari, I won't expect her to wash my back at the baths then." That brought on another round of blushing. _Teasing this girl might become a habit_ , I thought, _just because her reactions are always so cute and amusing._

Hesitantly, she spoke again while I resumed my seat. "Please, you didn't answer my question. What do you expect from me?"

I was already eyeing the formidable pile of papers in front of me, but my attention was completely focused on her. "Will Natsuki listen to me?"

This obviously wasn't the response she was expecting. "What do you mean?"

"To be my attendant doesn't mean to merely clean my room or fetch my things. It's a mutual relationship where both parties can benefit by learning from each other. But that will only happen if Natsuki keeps an open mind. Otherwise, the exercise is useless and a waste of time." I swung my chair around so that I was facing her again. "So, will you listen? Or do you think that there's nothing useful that I can possibly share with you?"

"I'm not - I don't -" she replied, flustered at my little dig. "I know I have a lot to learn. I've seen your battle dance and it's every bit as astounding and graceful as everyone says. But I don't see the point in the social niceties that you exercise all the time."

"Ara, the point is you will deal with people, whatever you do. Whether it's your master, a student, another Otome, or the person fixing your bike ..." I added that because she'd let slip that she had one.

"Shizuru, I can never be like you."

She sounded so discouraged that I laughed; I just had to. Did she have any idea what it took to become me? The relentless lessons I had gone through, day after day, since I was six years old? The endless days where every meal and occasion was regarded as practice in order to perfect the facade I presented to the world, so that no one, no matter who I conversed with, saw anything beyond my smile and the apparent interest in my eyes? As to the grace in my battle dance that everyone oooh'd over like it was magic? That movement was the result of countless hours spent in dance, gymnastics, and martial arts. My family had extensive resources, and a good portion of that was used to mold my body, mind and psyche so that I would become an ideal Garderobe candidate and, ultimately, one of the world's most powerful of weapons.

"I'd never want you to be," I told her in total honesty. "But there are many kinds of battles, Natsuki. The dance is one. Sometimes dealing with people is another. If you're to become an Otome, you can't afford to limit yourself to one field of battle."

She took a deep breath, and I could see that she was working up the courage to say something. "I..."

I took her hands then. This contact was nothing like the kiss I'd tried to bestow on her a few minutes ago. For some reason, I simply wanted to help this girl with whatever burden she was carrying. "Whatever you say now won't leave the corners of this room."

"I'm not sure I want to be an Otome." She dipped her head. "I thought you should know that before you made your decision."

A gasp left my lips. No wonder she was so reluctant to speak. With her confession, Natsuki had just placed herself completely in my hands. In this of all places, her statement came close to sacrilege. One word of it, and her time at Garderobe would be over.

She saw my shock, and tried to fill it with words. "Please don't get me wrong. I want to be able to protect what's important to me with everything I have. For that reason, I want to be as strong as I can be. But I can't see myself blindly obeying the will of a master. I don't want to fight or kill just because someone says so, not if it doesn't agree with my own idea of what's right and wrong. During the last Great War, Otomes who were dear friends killed each other on their masters' orders. Why? For power? For more territory? If we're the most powerful weapons on this planet, why do our lives matter so little? For us to be used like pawns, it's just all...wrong."

 _She's going to get herself killed._ If Natsuki succeeded in becoming an Otome and the wrong people heard her talking like this, she wouldn't just be finished at Garderobe, someone would see to it that she was silenced forever. My grip on her hands tightened, then let go. "Natsuki, please don't ever repeat those words."

The hurt that flashed across her face was so palpable, it was almost as if I'd slapped her. Stiffly, she drew away. "I'm sorry, Viola-senpai -"

I waved her apology away. "Ara, I'm not berating you. I'm glad that you confided in me. But Natsuki, you know how other people will feel about this, right?" _Powerful people. Deadly people._ "That's why I'm saying you should keep it to yourself for now. As for your questions, I wish I could help but I honestly don't have any answers. I'm just another student like you. But what I can say is that you have to decide for yourself: as things are now, do you want to become an Otome or not? Because if you do..."

She gave me a weak smile. "I have to do a lot better, don't I?"

"You're too smart not to know where you stand right now." Another part of my brain was going: _Wonderful, just my luck to fall for a romantic idealist of a philosopher... wait, what?!_ Oh for the love of Fumi, I had to get this girl out of here before she bewitched more of me than she already had. "Please think about it? Then come back and give me an answer."

"I will," she nodded. The determination in her eyes suited her. More shyly, she added, "Thank you, Shizuru."

I watched her turn to leave, and spoke just as her hand twisted the doorknob. "Natsuki." _Can I really let her go? What if she decides to give up?_ But wouldn't that be to my advantage? Wasn't she too much of a distraction already?

"Yes?"

 _Oh to hell with it._ "I meant what I said. Your secret is safe with me." _And it's no longer a burden that you need to carry alone._ "If you decide to stay, please ask to become my heya-gakkari again." I felt my lips curve into a teasing grin. "If you do, I promise I won't make you take a turn at the baths."

That night, I fell asleep dreaming about the many ways I might try to make her blush again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback feeds the muse. Just saying. =) What I like about Mai Otome is simply this: Shizuru loves Natsuki without apology or shame. There's the risk of heartbreak and being unrequited, as there is in every relationship, but no belief that her love is somehow wrong or (depending on the translation you get) wicked. Or maybe the Shizuru in Mai Otome, being a kickass supersoldier, just doesn't care. ;)


	2. The Past: Pearl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to xxmadlaxx who spent some of her busy time to beta this fic.

**THE CORNERS OF THIS ROOM**  
By: wyback  
© 2014

**2: The Past - Pearl**

 

*** _ **Three months later**_ ***

"That's not fair, Natsuki! You let Shizuru-oneesama tease you all over the place. I don't even get half the digs into you that she does, and you never take any revenge on her."

The raised voice of Mai Tokiha, and the fascinating things she was saying, froze me in my tracks. I was on the hunt for my attendant, who I hadn't been able to discomfit in the last few days. Natsuki was far too serious and there was a cutting edge to her personality at times. But I had stumbled on the perfect solution: I embarrassed her to death with compliments and demonstrations of affection. Natsuki came from a family that was very proper and big on formality. So while suggestive words were guaranteed to make her blush, mostly-innocent hugs, I discovered, nearly caused full-blown panic. That it let me express my attraction and growing fondness for her - well why not hit two birds with one stone when one can? Sometimes I felt like a big cat stalking an extremely cute, skittish and ultimately defenseless puppy.

This development, though, was far more interesting.

"And exactly what kind of revenge do you think I could take on the number one Pearl?" That exasperated reply was Natsuki's.

I looked around quickly. By some miracle, I was alone and no one else was in sight. With as much dignity as I could muster, Shizuru Viola, perennially refined first Trias and first among Pearls, ducked behind a tree and crouched in hiding as the two arguing girls passed.

"I don't know, but it sure seems like you won't even try. You mutter at her and complain about it, but I know you. If you were really determined to make her stop, you'd do something about it."

I heard the telltale slap of wet shoes on the ground and what sounded like clothing being wrung out, and guessed that for some reason the number one Coral was completely drenched right now. I covered my mouth to stifle a laugh.

"That's what you do to me and everyone else, anyway."

"Well, you can take it. But Shizuru..." That must've slipped out accidentally, because the next thing I heard was -

"Oh no you don't! You owe me for this. Even you have to admit that your revenge was over-the-top this time. While I was wearing my uniform too. I can't believe I have to do laundry at this hour!"

"You were only supposed to get a little wet," Natsuki tried to reason. "How could I know that you'd slip and fall into the pool?"

"Maybe because I was standing next to it at the time?" Mai asked sarcastically. "C'mon, Kruger, spill. Are you actually saying that the 'perfect Pearl' can't withstand one of your tricks?"

Natsuki sighed. "It's not that at all. It's just like you said, Shizuru is so...perfect. Don't you think she must be under tremendous pressure to maintain that? No one can be that poised and self-possessed at every hour of every day. Except apparently, she is."

"I never thought of it like that. I don't know, Natsuki." There was plenty of doubt in Mai's voice. "If someone is like that all the time, maybe they're really just that way? There must be people who are."

"Maybe." Natsuki obviously felt uncomfortable discussing me.

"But what does that have to do with the teasing and the six dozen surprise hugs everyday?"

"Nothing much."

"Oh don't be like that. You know I'm not going to tell anybody," Mai as good as promised.

"It's just...when Shizuru teases me, there's something different about her smile. She gets this grin that's got a side of devil to it, and she seems more relaxed somehow. It's the only time I've seen her acting like she's our age." Natsuki sounded embarrassed. "I guess I just like seeing that side of her more, instead of the perfect future Otome."

"Aww, you sound like the perfect devoted room attendant right now," Mai teased. "Almost like a real fan."

"Shut up. You want another dunk in the pool?" Natsuki grumbled, as their voices faded into the distance.

For a long time after they'd gone, I sat under that tree. I didn't seek Natsuki out that day.

 _How did she do that? How long has Natsuki seen through my mask?_ I stared at the clouds in the brilliant, vividly blue sky until the image blurred. Was it from my staring or were those tears smearing my vision? But then I shouldn't have been so surprised because this was so very Natsuki. She didn't waste words on chatter. She talked to me and never at me, and she was always listening to what I said back. We'd spent some portion of every day of the past three months together since I'd made her my heya-gakkari, and we still hadn't run out of things to say.

 _Leave her,_ everything in my training told me. _A person who can so effortlessly see through you is dangerous._ And so, with every instinct screaming at me to flee, I ran.

 

* * *

 

 

I avoided her. I steadily made excuses with a reassuring smile until the conversations and daily meetings stopped for good. Natsuki was still officially my attendant, but I made sure that we were never alone. I ate my meals with the other Pearls. I could see that Natsuki was having a hard time figuring out the abrupt change in my attitude and that it was making her miserable. _She'll get over it,_ I told myself.

 _I'll get over it, too._ I had just turned seventeen and had never met an obstacle I couldn't banish by will. I thought this would be like that. I was, in short, too much of an arrogant idiot to realize that it was already too late.

Of all people, it was blunt, ever-challenging Haruka who called me on it. My roommate and I were on the Trias together and she noticed how distracted I was. It was like nothing mattered and I was only going through the motions, even in my studies.

Haruka wanted to be first Pearl, but she also wanted to beat me when I was at my best. Until now, I'm not sure whether it was her own idea or whether someone put her up to it, but she challenged me for the right to have Natsuki as her attendant.

I'd never felt such rage before. It was one thing for me to try to push Natsuki so that she would willingly break our bond and stay away, but for someone to **take** her from me... _Never._ It was as if every single moment of training I'd ever had was focused during that battle dance, and for the first time I materialized my chained blade.

Any Otome, even one in training, can materialize an element. The first and easiest element we're able to manifest is a weapon, usually a staff when we're Corals, that we can hold. This is already an accomplishment, and only someone who can do this consistently can become a Pearl. My element at this time was an edged sword with a blade that I was able to extend by will. The problem was Haruka had begun to experiment with a ball attached to a chain, which had much greater reach. It was an ideal weapon for her strength, and she knew it. Fortunately, so did I and her weapon gave me an idea.

During our dance, I swung my sword at her and she easily danced out of the reach of the extended blade. But I can still hear the gasps of surprise when in mid-swing, the blade of my sword detached into segments, suspended only by the newly materialized cable that ran through them up to the hilt in my hand. I sent the segmented blade flying until it spun to wrap around a surprised Haruka, trapping her. It twisted tighter and tighter around her while the segments of the blade hit her robed torso several times in quick succession. In mere minutes, her practice robe was drained and the battle dance was over.

Later, when everyone else had finished congratulating me, I saw Natsuki approaching. I turned to her with a victorious smile. _I'll let myself have this,_ I decided, again in my arrogance. _I'll bask in her presence one last time._

But the words that left her lips were not congratulatory. "I challenge you."

Every semblance of victory fell from me in a second. "Why?" I stammered in surprise. "For what?"

"For my freedom." The expression on her face was as immovable as stone. "For the right to choose whether I will continue to be your attendant or not."

"Right now?" I asked, bewildered. "But everyone's left and you don't have permission -"

She flicked her hair, and the small stone at her ear. "Materialize." A flash of blue lit her up and by the time it faded she was standing in front of me, armored in a Coral's red robe.

"Natsuki, you saw what I just did, and that was to another Pearl. I don't want to hurt you."

Apparently, I'd chosen exactly the words that would infuriate her. She glared at me. "Just shut up and fight, Shizuru!"

"Alright, but only because you insist." I leapt away and held my sword at the ready. I planned to do her enough damage to satisfy honor, but not enough to cause harm. All along, I assumed that I would dictate the terms of the dance.

That lasted until she materialized her element, two small handheld items, one for each hand.

And that was when I realized how stupidly presumptuous I'd been. Hadn't I been as good as told that Natsuki's potential for battle dance was so remarkable that the school had gone to great lengths to push her? The faculty didn't do that for every student.

Still, I had to try. Maybe her element wasn't as functional as it seemed? I sent the blade of my sword flying - in exactly the way I'd thrown it at Haruka, during the fight that Natsuki had just watched with great care. It was a new technique and there hadn't been time to refine it or to add variations. The element of surprise was all on the other side.

Natsuki shot the connected segments to pieces with her guns long before any of it reached her. The detached pieces fell and, without the contact of my robe to sustain them, faded away into remnants of energy.

"You can materialize ammunition!" I couldn't even hide my surprise. Every Otome can materialize an element, but every single student in Garderobe right now kept that element somehow in contact with her robe or body. Most active Otomes in the world did the same thing. Natsuki's ability to turn her robe's energy into matter and send those projectiles flying at targets, independently of their source, was exceedingly rare, especially at this stage. And she had done it, not once, but several times when she'd shot at the pieces of my sword. If she could do this over long distances someday...

Natsuki smiled at my obvious astonishment, and it was unlike any smile I'd seen on her before. The confident curve of her lips announced that this part of the world, at least, was hers for the taking. It was the smile, not quite with a side of devil as she'd described mine, but the loping grin of a wolf, feral, possessive, and very territorial. "Surrender, Shizuru."

 _Fumi help me._ Natsuki's voice was naturally a bit low with a touch of huskiness, but now that she was angry and demanding... _That near-growl and that smile could make me do almost anything_. I laid my sword and its broken blade on the ground, and depowered my robe. One must be gracious in losing as well as in winning; sometimes more so. "I admit defeat," I said softly, "this time."

Those green eyes narrowed at me. "And my challenge?"

"You're free. I...you've always been free, Natsuki. I respect your choice."

"And are you, Shizuru? Free?" Suddenly the wolfish smile was gone, and the only thing in its place was sadness. "Next to Mai, you were the person who brought me out of my self-imposed shell. You were the one who gave me back my will, when you told me to decide what I should do for myself. I just hope that one day, you can tell me what I did that was so wrong that it drove you away."

"You didn't do anything wrong!" I wanted her to understand that. This was all me, about my need for distance and self-preservation. What a great student of the human psyche I was, when the possibility that Natsuki might blame herself never occurred to me.

"Then explain to me what happened to us." Her eyes glimmered.

"I - I can't." I could barely get the words out. "Please don't ask me to."

The familiar dark head bent. "I see." She bowed to me formally. "Thank you for the honor of your dance." And she turned to leave.

I could not bear her lost tone, nor the sheen of tears in that green gaze. "Natsuki!" I called after her. "You haven't told me your choice. What do you want?" _Tell me to take you back,_ I wanted to say, _and I'll do it. Order me to ignore my instincts, and I will. You've defeated me. My training understands defeat._

She didn't even look back. "What I've always wanted for you. You have a heart, Shizuru. Why don't you follow it, for once?"

And that was how that day ended, with the taste of our separate victories turning into ashes. Somehow, we had both won and lost our dances.

 

* * *

 

I couldn't do as she asked. It took me time to understand that the chains from my upbringing were far stronger and restrictive than the segmented blade I'd wrapped around Haruka.

Haruka herself seemed more contemptuous of me now, despite her defeat. "You've got no guts," she harrumphed. "You won't even admit your true feelings."

 _Ara, was everyone reading my mind now?_ I wanted to stomp my feet and fill the air with curses. Instead, I smiled, went to class dutifully and tried to perfect my dance. I moved and performed as expected, and felt empty the entire time. Natsuki hadn't rescinded our arrangement, but neither did she approach me. When we happened upon each other, we were the most exquisitely polite of strangers.

 _Feelings aren't supposed to matter,_ I reminded myself. _They're dangerous and will make one weak_ \- a thousand lessons and stories bore that out. Then how come I'd never felt as strong or sure again, as the day I'd fought to keep Natsuki mine?

In the middle of the school year, because Haruka and I had kept our rankings almost from the beginning, the Gakuencho or Headmistress of Garderobe herself decided to honor the two of us with a battle dance. We were not supposed to last against her. We were two Trias students in basic Meister robes against a fully trained Otome, and not just any Otome but a veteran Pillar and head of our school.

Haruka went down within the first ten minutes, with her robe completely sapped of power but not too badly hurt. But something happened to me. I felt verdant green eyes watching my every move and the weight of that gaze broke something deep inside me and tore it lose. I threw myself into the dance to the limit of my ability. Every attack I launched was eventually rebuffed, but I got up each time I was thrown down. I lasted a full half hour in a fight that I shouldn't have been able to continue for more than half that. I forced the Headmistress to treat the fight seriously. I did not back down until I could no longer get up...no, until the Gakuencho herself pointed her element at my exposed throat, and ordered me to stand down.

I conceded with a smile, stood with her help and the last vestiges of my strength, and walked out of the arena to the breathless cheers of my schoolmates. Even Miss Maria said it was well done. I lost consciousness soon after. I dreamed of viridian eyes, a soft voice that told me about life on Aries, a gentle hand that placed and replaced a cool cloth on my forehead.

"Why do you do this to yourself, Shizuru?" the voice whispered. I knew it was a dream because I found no trace of it when I woke.

It took two full days and nights for the nanomachines to repair my body, or at least sufficiently so that I could move on my own. On the third night, I waited until everyone was asleep before I made my way slowly to the baths. I laughed wryly at my sluggish progress. Right now, Miss Maria could run circles around me.

I was thankful to find the baths empty and everyone gone. The next obstacle was getting my uniform off, and it wasn't going to be easy. I winced as I reached for the fastening of the collar. The pain that shot through my arm and shoulder at the attempted movement told me that my body still had much healing to do.

"Shizuru?"

That shy, soft voice made everything go still. _The voice of my dreams._

"Let me help?" Natsuki materialized like an element by my side, and I held my breath because I'd never seen her this way. The student baths were communal but we'd never been here at the same time.

"Ara, I thought Natsuki said she would never wash my back?" I joked weakly at the sight of her wrapped only in a towel. Like most Corals who assisted us in the baths, her long, dark hair was twisted into a bun so that it wouldn't get wet. The strands that escaped from it framed her lovely face in a way that made her seem even younger than she was.

"Maybe just this once. Don't get used to it," she warned lightly. A nimble hand undid my collar and the fastenings of my light gray uniform. "Is it okay if I help with the rest?"

I nodded gratefully. "This wasn't quite the way I pictured it."

"What?"

"Getting naked in front of you."

"Ack! Shizuru!"

I turned my head enough to sneak a peek at her. _Yup, interesting shade of red, that._ For the first time in what felt like forever, a wicked grin played along my lips. Here I was, hurt, moving more clumsily than an old woman, with bruises that were probably in shades of purple that hadn't been invented yet. But Natsuki was fussing over me in nothing but a towel, she was taking my clothes off, and everything between us seemed back to normal. At this moment, I recognized that I was ridiculously happy. It didn't matter how I got here or even that I was injured. I wouldn't give up this time with her or this feeling for the world.

This was the moment when I surrendered to the truth. Natsuki was important, perhaps even vital, to my well-being. I think - no, I was certain - that I was falling for her.

 _Wonderful_ , another part of me groaned, _turn into a stereotype, why don't you?_ An Otome torn between love and duty was the stuff of a hundred badly written romances. They warned us when we first entered, when they presented us with our first gem as Corals. The teachers said it in different ways but the meaning was always the same: To become an Otome means to give up any chance at love or personal happiness. A fully trained Meister Otome, whose life is tied to a master's, sacrifices her personal dreams.

I flinched as gentle fingers fleetingly traced the newly-revealed bruises on my back and sides. Natsuki sucked in a shocked breath. "I knew it. When you got knocked into that column during the last round, you broke your ribs, didn't you?"

"Don't exaggerate," I replied primly, as Natsuki carefully wrapped a large towel around my unclothed form and guided me to a bench. "The doctor says they were only cracked."

My attempt at humor only seemed to annoy her. "I'll never understand you. Why did you stand up as if your injuries were nothing?" she demanded. "You took a bath this late so the others wouldn't see how hurt you were, didn't you?"

"Natsuki..."

She let out an aggrieved sigh. "Sorry. You're injured, so this isn't the time for a discussion." She was quiet for awhile, as she took off the towel, poured warm water carefully over me and washed my back and hair and the dust of the day off. When she'd helped me safely into the bath itself, her hands moved to the knot of the towel near her chest. "Is it okay if I...? I wasn't able to earlier."

Suddenly, I could barely catch my breath, and not because of my aching ribs. "Go ahead."

She went through her own preparations for the bath, and I tried - and failed several times - not to watch her. By the time she slipped into the bath with me, I had my eyes closed, mostly to preserve my sanity and, considering how Natsuki felt about these things, to avoid further injury.

"You're not ever going to tell me, are you?" Her words sounded so much like defeat, it tugged at my heart.

I opened my mouth to agree with her. "Let no one see your weakness, if it can be helped."

"Not even people you trust? Your friends?" Natsuki looked away. "...Me?"

She added the last with such uncertainty that I found myself reaching out to cup her cheek. I watched her blush bloom under my fingers. _Especially not you_. _For you I always want to be strong._ But before I could say anything, she spoke again.

"Isn't that too big of a burden, Shizuru? It makes you bear everything alone. Everyone has moments of weakness. Won't you let me help when you do?"

I shut my eyes against an offer that was more tempting than any I had ever faced. I hadn't realized, before Natsuki came along, that I was lonely in the midst of all the people surrounding me.

"Any weakness that you reveal to me will never leave the corners of this room," she said, and I melted at the way she returned my words to me. "Any weakness, at any time and any place. I give you my word."

"Natsuki?" I steeled myself. This was so new to me that in some ways it felt like I was jumping off a cliff. I had never trusted anyone and yet... _I can't hold this part back anymore._ "Can I still follow my heart?"

Her hand found my fingers that were absently tracing her face, and she held them. "Always."

"Will you be... my friend?" I knew that this time, I was the one turning red.

The smile on her face was as brilliant as the sun. "Always," she affirmed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who reviewed or gave kudos, a big thank you! Hope you like this update too. :)


	3. The Past: The Field Trip

**THE CORNERS OF THIS ROOM**  
**By: wyback**  
© 2014

 

**3: The Past: The Field Trip**

 

The weeks turned into months, and Natsuki steadily rose in ranking among the Corals. It helped that, though I didn't know it at the time, the battle dance we fought had been both cleared and monitored, and she got credit for that. Now that we were on good terms again, I actively resumed my duties as her oneesama. Sparring with me helped improved her dance, though in all honesty I found our sessions helpful as well. But the biggest progress was in Natsuki's academics. Because she was applying that formidable will to her studies for once, by the end of quarter, she and Mai Tokiha were neck and neck for number one.

Mai did not seem that surprised at this development nor to particularly mind it, but the change did not sit well with most of their classmates. People have difficulty letting go of their preconceptions, and they were used to thinking of Natsuki as a lone wolf who went her own way. This alpha side to her took getting used to, and they didn't always react well. Unlike Mai though, Natsuki was exceedingly direct with her competition. If someone wanted to challenge her for extra points, they could. If she heard about some snide sneakiness afoot, she invited them to a dance. Natsuki fought more dances in those two months than most Corals did in their entire year.

While this seemed a by-product of her temperament, I eventually realized that it was tactical. By taking on all comers and the most skeptical of her classmates first, Natsuki earned their respect. With the school's permission, she was allowed to materialize a weak version of her element instead of the traditional staffs for a few minutes during each dance. Every Coral who faced her guns or watched her dances soon lost their doubts about her right to the rank. No other student at Garderobe had the ability to wield their element completely independent of their robe like that. Any student worth her training knew that they were in the presence of something singular. When she was declared Coral number one for the first time, no one was really that surprised.

"After all," they said, "if she defeated her own oneesama, the number one Pearl..." And yes, I encouraged that news to spread. Although I was initially teased about it by fellow Pearls, I easily rebuffed them by idly suggesting that they could try to face Natsuki's element themselves. Besides, anyone who needed reminding about my skill could always replay my dance with the Gakuencho.

I was proud of her. I filed away, too, the revelation that Natsuki had a talent for strategy, though she exercised hers in a way much different from mine. I saw it in the way she executed her battle dances, whether with others or when we sparred, and in her dealings with her classmates. She was coolly objective and entirely unsentimental, mapping out the pros and cons of her position with a clear eye. She did not pretend to be stronger or weaker than she was, nor that the situation was other than what was on hand. More, it seemed that my attendant had listened to me and was becoming a student of human nature as well. She rarely accepted official explanations at face value, and was always looking for the true objectives underneath. This applied, not only to Garderobe and to the affairs of the outside world, but even to the pronouncements of her fellow students. This wasn't exactly a surprise because Natsuki wasn't trusting by nature, though she made some exceptions for Mai and to some extent myself.

I look back at our first dance with a wry smile now, because hadn't that all been Natsuki? She could've tried to talk to me. But knowing me the way she did, she didn't even consider that. Instead, she convinced the faculty to give her clearance to challenge me and used it at the optimum time. She'd waited until I was so puffed up with victorious self-importance, I hadn't paid attention to the fight until it was too late. Unorthodox plan, meticulous execution.

As for the two of us, it took a while to get back to the way we were. But then we eventually blew past that and got to a point where we were possibly closer than when we started. It wasn't easy. My first instinct was always to deflect any serious discussion about myself. This annoyed Natsuki to no end, but she was nothing if not determined. Gradually, I managed to open up to her, as she did to me.

Well, sometimes. Maybe once a fortnight. When she was persistent. Okay, so it still wasn't easy. Can you blame me?

She took issue with at least one aspect of my life that was in complete contrast with hers. "Finally! Argh, I didn't think your fans were ever going to leave."

"Your forehead is getting wrinkled," I said in my sweetest tone. Natsuki frowned so many times in a day that I'd started calling her on it. I clapped my gloved hands together for warmth. It was so cold, there was actually ice on the ground today. "With you shooting so many death glares at them, I'm surprised any were able to stumble away."

Natsuki shook her toque-covered head and self-consciously tapped the middle of her forehead until the frown was gone. I found this new habit ridiculously cute. "Why do you have to flirt with them all the time? You're only encouraging them to bug you more. My oneesama is an irredeemable pervert," she complained.

I laughed. In the entire time we'd been together, she only called me "oneesama" when she meant to insult me. "Have you ever met my oneesama?"

"No. Anh Lu, wasn't it? She's a Meister Otome for Annam now?"

"Yes, but not just any Meister. She's the epitome of a lady, every bit as refined and graceful as an Otome should be. But if you think that I'm irredeemable...well, let's just say that if she were your oneesama, you'd be washing her back every day of your life."

Natsuki blushed. She'd only done that particular duty twice more, until she was satisfied that I no longer needed assistance. But we had shared a bath only that one time. "That bad?"

"Oh no, Anh-oneesama really is a lady. Unless you let her drink. Then she likes seeing women in as little clothing as possible."

"Shizuru, um. Does that mean you...?"

I felt a band of warmth cross my cheeks. _This would be one of those fortnights._ "Only to a certain extent. I did like her, and she was good to me. She sparred with me a lot and helped me with my element. But we never went too far, because she believed that an Otome should be a maiden. She was my first kiss and first of many things though, and I was glad about that because there was no hidden agenda with her. We were just enjoying ourselves, and I learned that I liked women." I continued to walk until I realized, belatedly, that my companion had fallen behind. "Is it so cold that Natsuki's boots have frozen to the ground?"

"Uh no, sorry." She shook the ice off her boots and came up until we were walking side by side again.

I glanced at her suspiciously. "Is this one of those things that Natsuki needs time and a ridiculously long walk to get used to?"

"No, I -" she cleared her throat. "You just caught me by surprise, that's all."

"That I like women?"

"That you told me." She gave me one of her rare smiles. "Thanks for telling me."

I shook my head. "It's not like it's a secret. You could've figured it out on your own since, as you keep pointing out, you've seen me flirt."

"So flirting is because you like girls?"

"I flirt with girls because I like them, yes. It's a fun way of showing appreciation, and I appreciate beauty." Not to mention, it was one of the few areas where I'd been allowed to do as I liked. My family saw no harm in it, and when applied with the right wit, it was a useful social tool. I found it relaxing. That it went well with the facade I presented to the world was a plus.

"You don't really flirt with me though."

Now she was the one who stopped me in my tracks. "Of course I do."

"No, you tease me incessantly," she pointed out. "You hug me a lot and embarrass the life out of me, but it's not the same thing, is it? You don't do it to anyone else. Not like that, anyway."

I looked away. "Natsuki is...special." In my mind's eye, I saw her again as she sat across from me in the bath, the way her hair kept escaping it's knot and the pink tint to her skin from the heated water. "And beautiful beyond words."

When I had the courage to return my gaze to her, I saw that her eyes were riveted on me. "Shizuru...?" she whispered.

"Oi, Shizuru!" Haruka ran up to us. "Oh excuse me, Natsuki-san, but I have to steal her. What're you doing out here, you bubuzuke? Don't you remember that we have a meeting with the faculty?"

 _Saved by a banal Trias function._ "Ara, I forgot. Sorry." Only of course I hadn't. I knew Haruka would look for me sooner or later, because she liked being early for these things. Her timing was excellent. "I'll see you later, Natsuki. Or maybe tomorrow. I won't need anything tonight. We're having dinner with the faculty."

Natsuki merely nodded, but I could feel her considering gaze upon me until Haruka and I turned a corner, and we were out of sight.

How did those sports people put it, the ones my father liked to watch? _Your serve, Natsuki._

 

* * *

 

But we didn't get the chance to speak again until long after. The school announced the date for the Corals' long distance survival hike, sardonically referred to as the "field trip." Both Corals and Pearls, especially the Trias, became busy with the preparations. This year, it would take place in the mountains to the north, and the cold spell would be part of the test.

I didn't like the idea much. In summer or spring, the field trip is usually a hundred-mile trek through difficult terrain. While they'd halved the distance out of consideration for the weather, for me the cold had too many unforeseen complications. Windbloom rarely saw a winter with snow, and several students came from countries that didn't have winter at all.

My only consolation was that the three Pearls of the Trias would assist in monitoring the field trip. At least I could sort of keep an eye on Natsuki. The Deputy Headmistress, the third Pillar, also flew in to help.

It turned out worse than I feared. A small snowstorm came out of nowhere, pelted the mountain, and turned the event into one of the worst field trips in recent Garderobe history. More than half the students didn't make it to the end, and that included Natsuki. I'll never forget how I felt when her distress signal lit up the screen. Natsuki wasn't paired with Mai, else I might have worried less, but with another Coral she didn't know very well.

It took all my control not to materialize and fly off right then and there. I glanced helplessly at Haruka. Because I was Natsuki's oneesama, Haruka was assigned to monitor them. She took one look at me and brusquely said, "C'mon bubuzuke, be useful for once and help me."

Sometimes I could kiss my brash roommate. We activated our robes and flew towards the place indicated by the signal. The cold assailed us immediately, but I didn't care. Precious minutes passed while our robe-enhanced sights scanned the ground for signs of human life.

"There!" I shouted, when a thermal reading showed heat in the area where Natsuki was supposed to be. There was a small cave - no more than several feet of space gouged into the rock - but it offered shelter.

I landed, deactivated my robe and ran inside, Haruka close behind me. I spotted them immediately, two shapes forming one lump inside a sleeping bag. "Natsuki!" To my relief one of the figures stirred at my call. I quickly unzipped the sleeping bag so we could check their condition.

Our jaws fell open at the sight that greeted us. The two girls huddled closely together were almost naked within the sleeping bag.

"They're..." Haruka was momentarily speechless. "At a time like this?!"

Natsuki blearily looked up into the twin glares of her upperclassmen. She blinked, glanced down at herself, then at the girl next to her, and only then understood what we were thinking. In typical fashion, she panicked. "No, no, it's a survival technique! We were taught about it before we left. She's never gone through winter. She didn't wear or bring any thermals, our matches got wet, and there was no other way to keep warm -"

How convinced we were by this hurried, stumbling explanation was underscored by the accusing look Haruka tossed my way. "She's picking up bad habits from you, Shizuru."

I held back a snarl with difficulty. _Oh sure, because I like planning ways in which Natsuki ends up naked with girls other than me!_ Instead I managed, barely, to give her the response she expected - I shook my head with a forgiving, even indulgent "girls will be girls" smile.

We bundled the Corals into the warmest clothes at hand. The second they were decent, Haruka hefted Natsuki's semi-conscious classmate and prepared to take off. She was still fired up with moral indignation, and I knew that I only had seconds to act before the story spread like wildfire.

"Haruka, if we say anything about this before we figure out what really happened..." I think it was my tone that caught her. I had never once spoken to her as seriously as I did now, but then this wasn't about me. This was about Natsuki, whom people were only beginning to see in a new light. This incident wouldn't matter in a few years or even a few months, but at this time it might be damaging. "It wouldn't do to make a big fuss if they were just following the teachers' instructions, right?" I added lightly. Invoking the faculty would at least make her a little more willing to verify the facts.

The second Trias grimaced, nodded, and flew off without another word.

Behind me, I heard the rustle of things being put away. By the time I turned back to her, Natsuki was on her feet with the packs and rolled sleeping bag stowed beside her.

"Bring only what you need and leave the rest. Someone will pick them up later." My words were clipped as I materialized my robe and prepared to carry her.

She balked at my outstretched arms. "Er, you don't have to - I mean, I'm probably strong enough to -"

"Natsuki." I'm not sure what was colder, my tone or the wind blowing outside. I couldn't even summon a smile. If there was one time when I addressed her completely as her oneesama, with the small amount of authority that might imply, this was it. "Don't argue. Just...don't."

We flew back in grim silence. Under other circumstances, I might have enjoyed our first flight together. My bashful Coral was wrapped tightly in my embrace and clinging to me out of necessity. I might have teased her without mercy and threatened to drop her in the snow if she squirmed too much. But after my worry for her, the image of a half-naked Nastuki with her arms cradled protectively around another was like a slap in the face.

The ice-laden wind howled around us and I felt her shiver and bury her head for protection in the crook of my neck. "Shizuru," her voice was faint against the rushing wind, "are you very disappointed in me?"

"Ara, if Natsuki wanted to sleep naked with a girl, all she had to do was ask." Too bad I was only half-joking.

"D-dummy! That's not what I meant! I didn't finish. That means I'll fall in the rankings."

She sounded so dejected that I spared her a quick glance. Had I heard right? "Since when do you care about rank?"

But she only shook her head and clamped her mouth shut.

When we got back to the camp, we found it teeming with evacuated students. Many of them were injured and in much worse shape than Natsuki, and so needed attention first. But the doctor also diagnosed Natsuki with mild hypothermia and said that she had to rest somewhere warm and be monitored for more serious symptoms throughout the night. Several other Corals were similarly situated or simply suffering from exhaustion.

After surveying the situation, I had an idea and contacted family friends who had holdings in the area. It turned out that they had a place they used for vacations nearby. Because things were in such chaos and resources stretched thin, I was granted permission to bring Natsuki and those similarly situated there.

The mountain retreat was located on a plateau near the base of the mountain. The compound held two structures: a sizable two story wooden house, and a rustic, single bedroom cottage that was probably the original building. I gave the other Corals, who mainly needed rest in a hospitable environment, free reign over the large house. Our newish teacher-chaperone, who was also exhausted by this point, stayed to oversee the large group. Because everyone mostly needed time so the nanomachines could work on their healing, we agreed to assemble at lunch instead of breakfast the next day.

I took Natsuki to the small cottage with a promise to look after her and call for help if necessary. I locked the door behind us. Did I do it as a precaution because we were in strange surroundings? Yes, but the greater truth was this - I was burning with jealousy and I wanted to be alone with her.

And yet I was worried about her condition too. It was this part of me that ignored Natsuki's protests, made sure that she was dry, and helped her to dress quickly in a warm, clean set of sweater and tracksuit pants. Thankfully, there was a fireplace in the bedroom and the room soon felt cozy from the roaring fire. When Natsuki was safely under the covers, I piled several more blankets over her. From the few items in the kitchen cupboard, I was able to prepare hot miso soup, biscuits and even a pot of relaxing herbal tea. Being able to provide a passable meal within limited means was a standard part of Otome training. I placed the tray on the bed and told Natsuki to take her fill while I took a shower in the Western-style bathroom.

The warm water that spilled over me felt almost luxurious after the sparse conditions of the mountain camp. Now that I was alone and Natsuki's basic needs were provided for, I allowed free rein to my thoughts and feelings.

It barely mattered that my short conversation with the doctor bore Natsuki's story out. The fact was some strange girl had gotten to a place with Natsuki that I hadn't. I'd teased her, surprised her with embraces, and I knew the softness of her cheeks and the tougher skin of her hands. But for the rest, Natsuki was so **goddamn** proper. And now some girl had lain with her, in a scene that might have easily proclaimed them lovers if not for the circumstances.

 _But then I didn't even really know the circumstances, did I?_ I knew how Natsuki was with me, that's all. _What if she and the girl really were lovers?_ A wry grin curved my lips. _Natsuki?_ _Okay, so maybe that's not that likely._ But I wanted some proof that it wasn't so, proof that I mattered to Natsuki more. I wanted - I wanted her. I had from the start, and that was before I felt the way I did for her now.

The image flashed before me again - the image seared into my brain - Natsuki in barely any clothes protectively embracing that girl. _Why not me?_ My palm slapped in frustration against the tile wall. _Why have you never held me like that? What am I to you, Natsuki? A friend? Your graceful, impossible oneesama? Is that all I will ever be to you?_ I burned with the need to know once and for all.

 _If this were any other girl..._ I knew the steps then, the signals given and acknowledged. The signs, both subtle and obvious, to another kind of dance, the kind that led to stolen moments and rumpled sheets. _And if I did give her a sign?_ A strong one, so that Natsuki would have no doubt about my intentions? She was just in the next room, and we were alone. A chance like this might never come again.

It was almost instinctive, what followed. I dried myself and rummaged among my things until I found the piece of clothing that I was looking for. I smiled as I slipped it on. I hadn't really thought I'd be able to use it, but it took little enough room that I'd brought it along just in case. From the spare bathroom closet, I found a fluffy cotton robe and donned it over what I was wearing. _You're in for a surprise, my heya-gakkari._

I was pleased to see that by this time Natsuki had finished most of her food and tea. She'd left the tray on a nearby table, and was halfway to dozing. Her eyes were half-lidded as they watched the flames dancing in the brick fireplace.

"Do you mind if I sleep here?" I asked, indicating the empty space next to her. "There's only one bed."

She nodded drowsily, already comfortably ensconced in the bed. But when I undid the belt of the robe and started to shed it, her eyes popped open. I let the robe fall to the floor, feeling ever wider eyes on me as the folds of thick cotton slowly fell away to reveal the scant camisole I was wearing underneath. It barely covered my breasts and stretched only to the top of my thighs. Normally, I used it whenever I wanted a camisole that I could tuck into my skirt. But not tonight.

"W-what are you wearing?!" Natsuki stuttered as she gaped at me. "You'll freeze to death!"

"Not if I stay here," I corrected as I slid under the sheets next to her. What I was wearing shouldn't have mattered since by now Natsuki had already seen much more of me. But to wear this when we were sharing a bed made it...suggestive. "The doctor did advise that this was a proper way to keep warm."

"I told you!" she rallied enough to exclaim, still indignant about the assumptions Haruka and I had made.

"Then you know that for this to work, the contact should be skin to skin," I said lightly. I was next to her but there were inches between us yet. "Natsuki is still shivering." I leaned over and trailed my mouth close to her ear. "I only want to keep you warm while we sleep. If you allowed it with that girl, won't you let me?" _Do you trust me, Natsuki? Do I trust myself?_ I'd never done this, lay next to someone clad in so little without knowing the outcome. Before, with Anh, with other girls, the rules had always been clear.

"Shi-shizuru..." She didn't immediately jerk back as she once might have. Instead, she seemed frozen in place. It had been a long time since she'd said my name that way though, with so much uncertainty.

A part of me - the part that I rarely showed to Natsuki - observed that she was wavering, and if I pushed a little further who knew where this would lead? I moved closer and now I was almost hovering over her. Her lips were inches away. She was flushed, and her eyes were wide and deeply green, the pupils narrowed to near-pinpoints as they stared at me...

 _...in trepidation_. My chest clenched as I searched her eyes, but there was no mistaking the emotion. _She's...afraid of me? But why?_ I wanted to cry. _What have I ever done to -_

 _Oh really,_ the familiar acerbic voice broke in, the one that never let me lie to myself, _you're going to pull that? Exactly what are you doing now?_

I drew back with a flush of shame. Natsuki was still recovering from her ordeal and I was supposed to be taking care of her. I prided myself on my feelings for her and yet here I was, so blinded that I'd allowed my actions to be dictated by jealousy, when this was obviously neither the time nor the place for it.

Neither of us said anything for a minute. We lay side by side and stared up at the wooden ceiling while the the sounds of the crackling fire filled the room. Then, to my horror, I found myself saying, "I envy that girl, you know."

"Who?" For a second, Natsuki didn't even seem to know what I was talking about. "Oh. Why?"

"Because she got that close to you." There it went again. _What the hell was it with this truth thing?!_ What an awful development, if my heya-gakkari managed to instill such a habit in me.

"Argh, it wasn't like that!" Natsuki sounded like she was this close to tearing her hair out. Why didn't anyone believe her? "She was freezing, okay? She almost passed out. We couldn't even light a fire!"

"I know you only did what was needed. Ara, forgive me, I'm being silly." Embarrassed beyond belief, I threw the blanket aside and moved to pick my robe up from the floor.

A hand on my arm stopped me. I looked back at Natsuki in surprise. Her face was tinted red, but I couldn't tell if it was from the heat of the room or something else. Then, in a move I would've never been able to predict, she sat up, grabbed the hem of her thick sweater and lifted it off. This left her torso clad only in a thin tank top, and for a moment she held the sweater self-consciously in front of her chest.

"If it's only to keep warm, then..." She dropped the garment, and burrowed back under the sheets. Uncertain eyes the color of evergreens pinned me in place. "I'm so very cold, Shizuru. The ice, those winds - I've never been so cold in my life." There was a pleading note in her voice. This girl, who was so conscious about these things and who could not be unaware of my desire for her, was choosing to trust me in her weakened state.

"Natsuki..." If I'd wanted proof, then here it as. _What greater proof could I have than this?_ My jealousy whittled away to nothing, and in its place there was only concern and a determination to be worthy of her faith. "Do you want to, maybe...turn on your side?"

My heart skipped a beat as she moved to comply, and I nearly laughed when I realized that I was more nervous now than when I'd stepped out of the bath. I had never touched her body without the barrier of layers of clothes, and she had been very careful about touching mine. But there was no way now that we could lie together and avoid full body contact, especially if we were going to sleep like this. She faced away from me, and I lay behind along the length of her until our bodies were pressed close. I loosely circled my right arm around her waist. "Is this okay?" I asked softly.

Her body shifted a little until she was settled comfortably against me. "Y-yeah."

She was so incredibly warm, this girl her classmates called an ice princess. And though I was the one holding her, still I felt like I was the one surrounded by her - her warmth, her scent, the stray strands of gorgeous black hair that tickled my face. I had never felt such peace or comfort."Good night, Natsuki."

"Good night, Shizuru."

And that was how we spent our first night together.

 

* * *

 

In the morning, Natsuki seemed much better. She protested when I got up first and slipped on my robe to make breakfast. As my heya-gakkari, she often prepared meals for me, not the other way around. I shushed her and told her to sleep some more if she could. Besides, I make better tea.

She wasn't asleep when I got back to the room, though. She'd put her sweater back on, gotten to her feet, and was quietly staring out the window. The storm last night had left snow on the trees and the ground, but the sky outside was a rich and clear blue so pristine that it drew my eyes too. Natsuki seemed lost in thought as she stood there. Little did I know how familiar I would become with this pose.

She was so preoccupied that she started when I poured tea and handed her a cup. "Thank you. Um, tea, not coffee?" There was a grateful but faint entreaty in her question.

 _Natsuki sure can pout like a lost puppy._ "The doctor said no caffeine until we're sure you don't have hypothermia anymore," I reminded her. "The tea is herbal, like last night."

She sighed, but took a sip without further complaint. Then she looked at her cup in surprise. "This - this is actually good!"

I quirked an eyebrow at her. "Natsuki doesn't have to sound so astonished. I did prepare it."

"S-sorry."

"What's wrong?" I prompted.

"Nothing," she claimed, but quickly saw how little that convinced me. "I was just thinking."

I sipped my tea - I always found freshly steeped, hot tea soothing - and remembered her strange response the night before. "Are you still worried about the rankings? You nearly froze to death and you're still thinking about that? Is beating Mai-san that important to you?"

"What? Of course not, I don't care about that!" She hesitated, then continued in a smaller voice, "But you do so...it matters."

I looked at her like she'd grown two heads. "Your ranking has never mattered to me, Natsuki."

There was that frown again. "Of course it does. You said I needed to push myself."

"Because you did. But I never cared what number they assigned to you."

"But wasn't that the reason why we - why you decided -" Suddenly she was looking everywhere but at me. "You got tired of having such an unremarkable attendant back then, didn't you?"

My expression must've conveyed my complete bewilderment because she stopped there. "I'm absolutely sure I never expressed such a ridiculous sentiment."

She turned her gaze back to the window and the view of the slopes and snow-laden evergreen trees outside. "'Shizuru-oneesama is very kind, to have stayed with that girl as long as she has,'" she mimicked. "That's what they were saying back then."

I placed my cup down with an unusual clatter. "Who said that?!" I asked angrily. "Tell me, and I'll -"

"It doesn't matter," she cut in. "Anyway," she sighed, "it wasn't just one person. They were all thinking it."

 _And of course you did too_. "Natsuki..." I thought back to the girl last night, who'd been half-passed out from the cold but whose only question was whether I was disappointed in her. I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, much as I had done last night. Her body stiffened for a moment, then relaxed into my loose embrace. "Do you really have no idea how proud I am of you and of what you've accomplished? I couldn't ask for a better heya-gakkari. It's true that ranking is useful. You're noticed. When someone is called first, second, third, people pay attention right away. But more important than that is what comes after. How will you contribute in the long run? Will you become an Otome of dignity and honor, day after day? These are questions you would answer well, whatever number they assigned to you."

I rested my chin on her shoulder. "As for me personally? Meeting you, having you as my attendant and friend - nothing in my time at Garderobe has made me happier or enriched my life more."

"Then why did you turn away from me like that?" Her tone couldn't hide how much it hurt back then, and there was an echo too that hinted at how much it hurt her still.

And that was when I gave up my secrets at last. In the face of her pain, none of it seemed to matter. I had done something unforgivable; I had made Natsuki doubt herself. That was a situation I couldn't bear for her to be in, if it could be helped. I...loved her too much for that.

At first, she had a hard time believing the tale I spun. She was familiar with ambition. Most families and countries pushed the most promising of their daughters into training for Garderobe. But she couldn't wrap her head around the degree to which it had been done to me. How could a family willingly offer their own daughter up like that, like a sacrifice on the altar of their aspirations? I couldn't explain it; I only know that they did. I wasn't a child to them but an investment.

I told her pieces of stories from my life before Garderobe: the first time I broke my arm at eight, practicing a maneuver meant for an adult, the second time at ten, the third and last one at thirteen - all perfectly healed thanks to my family's resourceful physicians. I told her how I was deliberately kept distant from immediate family and relatives, because I wasn't supposed to form unnecessary attachments. I talked about the parties where my behavior was picked apart after, the humiliation heaped upon me when I failed. Then the constant tests they'd put me through as I grew older, not just physical ones but tests to charm and manipulate. That was what my life had been like, day after day, until I entered Garderobe. Not that the process completely ended there. My accomplishments were still monitored and pored over, my success expected, even criticized if it seemed that I had somehow fallen short.

At some point we moved to sit on the bed, and then we ended up lying down on our sides, facing each other. We talked, or mostly I talked, until my voice was hoarse and I felt my eyes sting. But I refused to cry. I'd shed so many tears because of my family already, at some point I'd sworn I wouldn't again.

Near the end, Natsuki wondered, "But then...where did I fit in all of that?"

I gave her one of my real smiles, a wry one. "Nowhere. You're the test that I failed. I was never supposed to let anyone this close, Natsuki. But you saw through me and I...let you."

"Shizuru, I... The corners of this room, right?" she murmured the words almost to herself. "I want to tell you about my cousin."

And then it was her turn. She'd had an older cousin, a warm, cheerful, wonderful girl that Natsuki idolized when she was younger. Her cousin became an Otome for Aries, and this was during the period when there was constant trouble along their borders. Ignoring available intelligence, her master, a newly promoted general, sent her on a patrol by herself.

"Everyone knew how dangerous the borders were back then. My cousin herself told me stories about the Slaves of the Black Letter who suddenly appeared and attacked out of nowhere. So I know she would've never gone on that patrol without backup. But her master was looking to make his mark and show off, and he ordered her to." Her eyes turned distant, and I knew that she was lost in the past. "When they held the funeral, the casket was closed. My cousin was this tall, beautiful girl with hair that spilled nearly down to her waist. But when we buried her, everything in that casket could've been scraped into an urn. And all because of some master's ego and stupidity."

"So that's why..." No wonder Natsuki had been so reluctant. I ran my index finger down her cheek, and that brought her gaze back to the present, and to me. "Why did you apply to Garderobe then?"

"Tradition." She nearly spat the word out. "Many Krugers have been Otomes. When my cousin died, it was either me or they would begin grooming my younger sister, Alyssa. So I said I'd go, even if in my heart I know I can never blindly follow a master. When I made it into Garderobe, I swore I wouldn't trust anyone. But I couldn't drop out either because then they would still turn to Alyssa. So my plan was to do just enough to satisfy my family and country's need for another Otome. Holding back came naturally to me anyway, because I was torn in different directions."

"But then I met you," the deep emerald gaze locked with mine, "and suddenly I wanted other things. You didn't even know me back then, but the first time I saw your battle dance, Shizuru... There were moments during that fight when it was all I could do to hold my breath. I was so taken by your power and speed, and the grace of your every move. I didn't know until then that a battle could be both deadly and beautiful. So when you agreed to make me your heya-gakkari, I wanted to shine in your eyes. I wanted to be found worthy. You told me to decide, and I did. And now -"

"Now Natsuki will not become simply one of several Otomes in her country." _Her eyes were so sad, so torn_. I wanted to comfort her, but I could only tell her the truth. "If you continue down this path, you will be a Meister who will serve a king or a queen."

Natsuki's laughter dripped with acrimony. "We don't have kings in the republic of Aries. But my mother is running for President."

"Natsuki..." I wanted to say something, anything that could help her, but what could I do? "It seems Haruka was right then. I have been a bad influence on you."

She would have none of it. "No, it was my choice," she maintained firmly. "I don't regret a single day we've spent together, Shizuru. Since my cousin passed and I became aware of my family's expectations, I didn't want anything to do with other people, or to get close to anyone or anything to do with Otomes. I felt so bitter and alone when I entered Garderobe, and I fully expected to finish the same way. But you changed everything."

 _In a way that might be worse for you._ "It's not too late to return to your plan, if that's your wish."

She sighed. "I can't do that anymore either. Between you and Mai, I can't pretend to be less than I am. Besides, there's a certain...thrill to it, I guess."

I watched the telltale color spark in her cheeks. "Ah, so Natsuki likes being a badass."

She threw me a look of such profound innocence that for once I knew I was going to get as good as I gave. "My irredeemable oneesama wouldn't want me any other way."

I barely restrained a shiver at her declaration. Whether deliberate or from instinct, she had spoken in that husky half-growl that turned my knees into water. I caught the hint of a grin at the corner of her lips, and that just added to my surprise. Natsuki had a streak of mischief but she was being...playful?! With me, about this? _So you did catch the signals I was giving last night._ Too bad her triumph was going to be short-lived. For a second, I let my mask drop completely, and looked at her with eyes richly ambered by unrestrained desire. "Your oneesama," I breathed, as I trailed a finger along the supine arm closest to me, "wants you any way she can get."

She was blushing even before all the words were out. "Shizuru!" she complained.

I chuckled, content with my victory. To my relief, a wide, if somewhat abashed, grin lit up her face in response. "So what do we do now?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Continue as we are, I guess." Her eyes dropped to the area between us, and her hand began to pick at the looser threads of the sheets. "I didn't think these days would pass so fast. I want to make up for lost time and enjoy as much of them as I can, with Mai, with you. I mean, if you'd like to," she trailed off, my shy heya-gakkari once more.

 _So she was thinking about it too._ In a few months the school year would be over, and we would have to part ways. Once I ascended to Meister, even if we managed to see each other again, chances are we wouldn't be able to spend time together like this. I didn't know where duty would take me. By next year, neither would she. The thought was like a fist over my heart. But this moment didn't have to be about that. I smiled at her, and reached out with one hand to cup her cheek. "Spend each of these next months with my Natsuki? There's nothing I'd like more."

We got up soon after, finished our meal, put the cottage in order, and joined the other students. By the end of the day, everyone was back at Garderobe.

Only much later did I recall what I'd let slip. _Wishful thinking, Shizuru_. Still, in the solitude of my room, I couldn't help but repeat them. I savored the taste of her name as they passed my lips. "My Natsuki..."

Somehow it felt right.

I closed my eyes, and let the sense of her fill me - her scent, the shape and warmth of her next to me last night, and the precious trust she had granted me today. The process of falling was done.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liked it? No? Please let me know. Thank you to everyone who reviewed or gave kudos! I'm grateful. About the references to Pillars, I'm aware that the official term in Otome is Columns but Pillars sounds better to me (mainly because saying "Columns" several times in a row reminds me of that creepy halfling from Mordor). If that bothers anyone, just pretend that the students/faculty refer to themselves as "Pillars" in the same way they refer to their survival hike as a "field trip." On updates, everyone who knows me is probably surprised that I've sustained this pace. Really, I've only been able to keep to this pace because of the great response from everyone. It does feed the muse. ;) Maybe it contributed to why this chapter is longer too.


	4. The Past: Approaching Ascension

**4\. The Past: Approaching Ascension**

 

The succeeding days passed quickly, not just for Natsuki and me, but for all of us.

During this time - and I'm sure she'd be none too pleased with this description - Natsuki emerged from winter like one of the flowers in Garderobe's gardens coming into bloom. The aftermath of her field trip seemed to lift a burden from her and she became more at ease with herself. She no longer worried about ranking, though she eased comfortably back into the Coral number two spot. She concentrated instead on improving the holes we saw in her dance, and took a deeper interest in the aspects of her studies that genuinely interested her, like history, tactics, and the sciences. True to her word, she participated in more activities with Mai and with me. Not that she became a social butterfly, because there was a part of her that was naturally more reserved, but enough so that her fellow Corals, some of the Pearls like Haruka, and a few teachers got to know her better.

"Let's take a picture!" the ever-cheerful Mai said at one impromptu gathering that several Corals and the Trias Pearls held after exams. Mai made sure that everyone in the group got a copy, and I believe most of us have kept it to this day. But no one holds it dearer than Natsuki, who brings a copy of that picture wherever she goes.

Anyone who saw it would think it nothing special, just a bunch of girls smiling or posing awkwardly like Natsuki, but it was that very ordinariness that made it remarkable. But for our distinctive Garderobe uniforms, we could've been a group of students at any school. We weren't though, and what that picture captured was a rare, snatched moment of normalcy. All of the girls in that picture became Otomes.

As the Garderobe year wound down and the final demands on the Pearls to prove themselves ratcheted up, Natsuki and I found ways to spend time together. Mostly this consisted of meals Natsuki brought to my room, which eventually became her lunch or dinner as well as mine. Then there was the weekend when she showed up on my doorstep with a picnic basket.

By this time, Natsuki had a good idea of the work I actually did as first Pearl. She once observed that I had a gift for making it seem near effortless since, outside of battle, I cultivated an air of serene composure. But the truth is no one at any school or elsewhere with fair standards magically receives accolades. This is especially true at Garderobe, where the criteria are so rigorous that only a quarter to a third of the Corals make it to Meister. To maintain my ranking and duties as a Trias took a great deal of study, unrelenting practice, and attention not just to my personal affairs but to those of the student body as well. The trick was to prioritize. Unlike Haruka, I didn't jump at every problem but saved my efforts for those that mattered or needed immediate attention. That said, one thing Natsuki and I did have in common was that once we decided on a course of action, we tended not do things halfway. Natsuki was just more obvious about it.

So time was the last resource I had to spare in these last, hectic months, and when I saw what Natsuki had in mind, I was unenthusiastic. Of course I tried to refuse as diplomatically as possible. "A picnic? Natsuki is very thoughtful but with all of these assignments and other matters..."

She didn't even let me finish. "It's lunch. Aren't you going to eat anyway? What's the difference between taking it in here or outdoors?"

The difference, as she very well knew, was that in my room I could consume my lunch in minutes and proceed with the work at hand. Outside, on this fine clear day with Natsuki? The temptation to linger would be too great. The rational choice, considering the pile of work on my desk, was to refuse.

Some minute tell must've given me away, because Natsuki looked up from the basket in her hands with a resolute expression. "I'm calling it in," she declared.

"Calling what?" I asked in utter confusion.

"Didn't you say that you'd spend these months with me?" She sounded testy but there was a pink tinge on her cheeks. Then, more softly, "You're too stressed, Shizuru. Besides, most everyone is going into the city today to watch the royal procession. The gardens will be free, but if you're really too busy..."

She meant that this might be one of the few times that we could spend together on the grounds and be reasonably assured of privacy. I was a Trias and had my admirers, and whether Natsuki admitted it or not, she was starting to gather hers. For both of us to be left alone for any length of time in public was becoming an increasingly rare occurrence.

Some inner chibi version of me was already jumping up and down at the possibility. "Too busy for my Natsuki? That will be the day," I conceded with a smile. "Lead the way."

Contrary to popular belief, my heya-gakkari preferred to plan ahead whenever possible. So I wasn't surprised that she'd already staked out a secluded spot under an ancient oak tree with sturdy branches so far-reaching that they offered plenty of shade. Natsuki set the basket down on a waterproof picnic mat that could've easily accommodated four. The picnic lunch itself was simple but satisfying fare, tasty sandwiches cut into manageable triangles, succulently ripe apples and a surprise treat - bottles of an ice-cold lemon-orange drink that relatives had sent to her. Natsuki didn't bother with glasses, just twisted the caps off the bottles and handed one to me.

But that wasn't the real surprise, as I discovered when my tongue teased out the light but distinct flavor of alcohol along with the sweetly tangy juice. I quirked a brow at her.

"I may have spiked it a little," Natsuki confirmed with a grin of total mischief. She bit into her apple with a satisfying crunch, then took a long sip of her own.

This girl...! "Delinquent," I called fondly. It was my favorite way of teasing her about her meteoric rise in ranking.

"My irredeemable oneesama likes me that way," she tossed back. After the field trip, it was the one tease she didn't have trouble returning.

You have no idea. "Ara, are you trying to sabotage your oneesama's studies? That would make Haruka very happy." It was no secret that Haruka harbored hopes for a last-minute upset that would see her finish as first Pearl.

"I'm trying to make sure you don't suffer a nervous breakdown," Natsuki huffed as she clinked her bottle to mine. "Honestly, what would it hurt if you took the afternoon off for once? It's the weekend. Just lie on the grass and stare at the sky for awhile, like every student does sometimes." She patted the mat and demonstrated what she meant by collapsing back and dramatically flinging her arms out.

I watched the prone form for a second before impulsively copying her and lying down as well, though I kept my arms to my sides. How strange, I thought as the position altered my perspective completely. There was the crinkle of grass pushing up against my back and the minute adjustment of soil beneath the thin mat to accommodate my form. My pristine uniform would be creased beyond belief when I got up but I didn't care. The bright cerulean sky, furled white clouds, and leaf-strewn branches of the ancient oak filled the entirety of my vision. When I shut my eyes, my senses honed in on the cool breeze that shook the leaves overheard, the twittering of birds above and the buzzing of a bee further off - all the little things that usually faded into the background of everyday life at Garderobe. My awareness expanded to include the girl beside me, the cadence of her breaths, the tiny movements she made. I had been taught to meditate, to center myself, but it was in this moment that I found true serenity.

"See?" The irascible, adorable girl who often turned my world upside down sounded pleased with herself. "You should do this more often."

I chuckled at the improbability of it. "I haven't done this since I was eight years old." That had been the one unforeseen advantage of breaking my arm back then. That recuperation took time was a fact that my family couldn't change, and that meant that I was able to enjoy my childhood for awhile.

I heard shifting and when I opened my eyes, Natsuki's somber face was blocking part of the sky and filling half my world. "Sometimes you break my heart, Shizuru."

There was compassion but also something incredibly fierce in her gaze, narrowed as it was into icy flints of furious emerald. It took me a moment to decipher that this was anger on my behalf. When I'd first told the story of my upbringing to Natsuki, her primary reaction had been shock. Today her eyes burned, and I had no doubt that if my parents were anywhere in the vicinity, she would've gladly strangled them both. The display brought a tightness to my chest. How long has it been since anyone displayed such protectiveness towards me?

I was a capable, self-sufficient person who was more than proficient in a fight, and so most looked to me for protection and not the other way around. And that was perfectly fine, I liked being who I was and being able to take charge. But for someone to make it absolutely clear that my welfare was important to them, that given a chance - Natsuki will fight for me. She was strong and tenacious, my match in every way, and she had my back. My throat was tight as I lifted my hand to the near-porcelain cheek that hovered so closely over me. I loved the way it turned ruddy under my touch. "I don't mean to," I whispered.

"Yeah, but..." Self-consciously, Natsuki let the words trail off. She drew back into a seated position with her legs stretched out in front of her, and took another hasty sip of the spiked juice. She stared at the bottle in her hand. "What do you think will happen, a couple of months from now?"

I wondered at the change of topic but acquiesced. "If all goes as expected, I suppose I'll be a Meister soon."

"C'mon, there's no doubt about that. Your accomplishments go well beyond these walls." The wave of my attendant's hand encompassed the world beyond Garderobe. People were fascinated with Otomes, and that included the institution that trained them. Magazines paid heavily for features on its mysterious students, and our graduation dances were often broadcast to the public. My first such dance took place last year when Haruka and I represented the Corals against the graduating Pearls. While we didn't win - no Coral has ever won against a Pearl at those battles - my performance piqued public interest. Since then, there were those who kept track of my deeds at Garderobe. A couple of outsiders had even managed to sneak past the gates for a glimpse of me. The most memorable, because she had been able to slip into the grounds of the school itself and so had caused the most consternation, had been a girl of eight or nine who cutely professed to be a fan of mine.

"There'll be many vying for your hand, kings, queens, heads of state," Natsuki predicted. "Have you thought about who you might accept?"

"Hmm?" I rolled over so that I was lying on my stomach, with my head turned towards her and my folded arms serving as a pillow. "To think about such things when no offer has been made would be the height of presumption, wouldn't you agree?"

"I guess." Natsuki picked at the label on her bottle, scratching away at the colorful design with a thumbnail. "Only...when I think about that happening, walking down the aisle in front of you, and delivering you into the hands of some stranger who gets to dictate the rest of your life..." She avoided my attentive gaze. "I just can't see myself doing that. Not happily, anyway."

She was referring to the ceremony in which a fully trained Meister Otome accepts a master. Natsuki had once traced the elements of the ceremony back for a history paper. In the end, she concluded that the ceremony for Meisters cleverly combined parts of a traditional wedding - with the heya-gakkari serving as the bridesmaid, and the Otome placing the ring partnered to her gem on the master's hand - with the bygone rituals of knights and samurais who presented their swords and swore fealty on bended knee or seiza to their lord. Only our gems - the tiny components that enabled us to control our nanomachines and project our robes - substituted for the swords of those olden days.

"Natsuki." The back of my hand found the forearm closest to me and trailed along the corded muscle there. The gesture softened the mild reproach that followed. "You make it sound like a form of enslavement. It's true that we're trained partly to resemble the flowers in these gardens, but keep in mind that our modest dress, fine manners and pleasantries, even the cooking classes that you hate so much, all serve as a useful camouflage for power. In reality, very few things in this world can stand up to a fully trained Otome. We may answer to a master, but he or she will be tied to us as much as we will be tied to them."

I considered my next words with care. "It doesn't make up for what happened to your cousin in any way, but keep in mind that her master paid for his foolishness with his life. Don't forget what your cousin worked so hard for, what our true purpose is. To serve one's country, to protect one's people, to maintain peace as Otomes have for years - surely even you can't doubt the need. Didn't the royal family almost perish a few years ago without the protection of their Otome?"

Natsuki's sigh sounded like it came from the depths of her being. "I know, and I agree with all of that in theory. But when I think of it actually happening to you -"

"But it won't be just to me," I pointed out in all seriousness. "What will happen in another year, when it's Natsuki's turn, not just to attend to me, but to ascend to Meister herself?"

"That seems so far away."

"Ara, the time will pass sooner than you think," I declared from experience. "Next year, you may be sitting under this tree again, only it will be with your heya-gakkari and she'll be asking these questions from you."

"I can't see that happening either. I mean..." Natsuki ducked her head so that her expressive eyes were hidden. "Do you think this is the same for everyone? That next year I'll form the bond we have with someone else? Because I don't." She said it almost defiantly.

I will never have this with anyone else. I hoped I was wrong, but there was conviction behind that feeling. That we had found this at all was surely due to some twist of fate. Nothing else could explain the confluence of factors that brought us together. If Natsuki and I hadn't been who we were when we met, if we had been a few more years apart, if her personality and mine weren't so forceful in such disparate but complementary ways, and if we had been less willing to accommodate the differences between us, we could've easily passed each other by like two ships on the same narrow strip of sea.

But as much as I agreed with her, it wouldn't be right to say so. What was true for me might not be true for Natsuki. She deserved a fair chance at forming a future bond with her heya-gakkari. Besides, the combination of the constant stress of the past days, the meal and the alcohol were making me drowsy. Still, I couldn't let such a golden opportunity slip by completely. "I wonder. Could it be that Natsuki's concerns aren't so much about the system of Meisters, but really about me? Perhaps Natsuki doesn't want to think about giving me away at the ceremony simply because she wishes to keep me for herself?"

A bright red flush instantly traveled from her neck to her cheeks. "Shizuru!"

A last, vague thought surfaced as my eyes fluttered closed, 'Ah but she didn't exactly deny it.' As I sank into my nap, I thought I felt fingers brush through my hair and pull them gently away from my face. But that might've just been a dream.

 

* * *

  

_***Two months later*** _

Another day, another stroll through the gardens. Only this time I was alone, it was late in the evening, and there was less than a fortnight left before the Pearls' ascension. By now, it was clear which of the students were going to receive their Meister gem. All three of the Trias were on the list.

"...strange pair, don't you think?"

The disembodied voice and the sound of footsteps gave me just enough warning to step off of the path and into the shadows of the tall hedges.

"One is so forthright, the other so composed..."

"Perhaps a little too much in both cases... What do you think?"

A third voice, one I knew well, declared, "The Coral has promise, I give you that, but she still lacks grace in her dance..."

The last, I knew right away, was Miss Maria. The familiar complaint was all it took to confirm that the topic of discussion was Natsuki and most likely myself. Being the epitome of Otome tradition, Miss Maria preferred swords and elements suited to close combat since they best displayed the speed and deadly beauty in movement that Otomes were trained for. Natsuki's element, being so close to artillery and best exercised at range, was far too modern and direct for her taste. When the women speaking passed, I was astonished to glimpse, not just Miss Maria, but the Gakuencho and the Deputy Headmistress as well. Of course they were familiar with their top students, but why focus on the two of us specifically?

I might have paid more attention to this intriguing conversation if a more pressing issue wasn't already occupying my mind. The reason I was roaming around the grounds at such an unusual hour in the first place was because I couldn't make up my mind about a certain course of action.

I want to tell Natsuki how I feel. Every rational instinct in my head balked at this and judged it to be an extremely bad idea. Sure, Natsuki cared for me a great deal, but she had also turned me down each time I'd tried to express anything remotely non-platonic.

At least if you tell her, you'll find out where you stand. No one can stay in limbo forever.

But what if she hates you for it? Remember the first time you tried to kiss her? Why burden her with something she might not want?

One form or another of those arguments had been cycling through my head for weeks now. It didn't help that my graduation from Garderobe was in sight. Perhaps part of why I wanted to do this in the first place was the very real possibility that this might be my last chance to speak with Natsuki seriously. This constant battle, between what my heart wanted and what my brain kept shooting down, made me lose more sleep in the past week than all the exams and tests before it.

When I eventually returned to my room, the last thing I expected was to find the cause of my distress asleep at my desk. Natsuki had obviously been reading the book that still lay open on the table. The tired Coral had fallen asleep with her chin cradled in her hand.

I shut the door as quietly as I could, thankful that Haruka had been assigned to assist with visiting dignitaries at the royal palace tonight. To see Natsuki in repose was a rare and wonderful sight, the opportunity to savor it even more so. The doubts and constant struggle melted away, leaving only a young girl who was beautifully at peace with herself.

"Natsuki?" I called as I came up behind her, but there was no reaction. I leaned down to wake her, only to be enveloped by the honeyed scent of soap and shampoo. She must've just come from the baths. I breathed the enticing scent deep. Oh Fumi. Almost of its own accord, my hand tangled with the soft, midnight-dark tresses before me. They spilled like the finest of silk from my fingers.

If we were lovers, I would wind your beautiful hair around my fingers, and tug them back until I could take your tilted mouth, or rain kisses down your exposed throat...

Mouth suddenly dry, I released her hair as if I'd been burned and stepped away. I tried to control my breathing and expression as Natsuki stirred. Green eyes blinked slowly and showed first surprise, then chagrin at my presence. "Ugh, sorry, I didn't mean to wink out like that."

Casting about for time to regain my equilibrium, I retreated to a tease. "That's quite alright. Natsuki is cute when she sleeps, even when there's a little drool on her chin." Her hand flew to her mouth in embarrassment, only to fall away when I added, "Just kidding."

She frowned at me in irritation. "Honestly, why do I even bother?"

I gave her one of my best pouts. "Is that any way to talk to your oneesama so close to graduation? Natsuki is so mean."

At other times it might've worked but today Natsuki only rolled her eyes. "To think that I went through all this trouble to give you this." She indicated a large, wrapped package that was leaning next to my bed.

"Ara, what's this? Natsuki got me a present?" I asked in surprise. I sat down on the bed and placed the package across my lap. "What can this be? It's so long and the girth is...impressive."

My poor, put upon heya-gakkari groaned at my wide, devilish smirk. "Just open it already," she growled.

"But really, this seems extravagant," I said a touch seriously.

"You are graduating," she pointed out gruffly, "and I wasn't able to give you anything on your birthday so..." That had been the time when we'd been apart. "I know it's early for a graduation gift, but it came today and it's too big to hide successfully. Besides, I thought you might want to try it out sooner rather than later."

"Natsuki didn't have to," I smiled at her in genuine delight, "but thank you." Intrigued, I made quick work of the wrapping and the box inside. There was a hard case with snaps that turned out to be a top cover of some kind. When I finally unlatched it, black and white keys, a little smaller and stretching fewer octaves than the usual, gleamed up at me. My mouth fell open. "You got me a keyboard!"

"Not just a keyboard, this is a full-fledged synthesizer. It's all the rage in Aries right now." Natsuki got up and leaned over me to point at several colored buttons on the panels above the keys. "It doesn't sound as good as a real piano, but these switches can transform the sound into any of the major instruments, piano, guitar, flute, horn and so on. You can combine them if you want, adjust the pitch, or record different tracks and combine those. That's what the store said anyway. I haven't tried it except to make sure that it works." Then she asked with a touch of shyness, "Do you like it?"

"Yes!" My fingers were already running excitedly over the keys. Music, wherever and whenever I want! I was as gleeful as a child. "I'm curious though. What made Natsuki think of giving me this?"

"You said you missed playing." This time her glance was anxious. "Did I get it right?"

I clutched the instrument on my lap, incredibly touched. She remembered? But it had been nothing, just a throwaway conversation when we were walking to separate classes.

"You can do so many things," Natsuki said. The Corals had just been treated to a demonstration on the ancient art of tea ceremony where I had assisted the teacher. "But out of all of them is there something you really enjoy?"

"Music," I answered right away. "I miss my piano at home. I played it as often as I could." Piano was one of the few lessons that I'd chosen for myself. The other was a more practical though still esoteric course in the ancient fighting style of naginata jujitsu. I believe it gave my technique in handling my element a slight unpredictability that was still useful today.

With a lump in my throat, I placed the keyboard on the bed and stood to hug this incredibly thoughtful girl. "Thank you," I said again. "I love my gift."

This brought on a blush, but then her expression changed into something more resolute as I let her go. "Shizuru, I - I have something else for you." She was an inch shorter than me, and I caught my breath when she stretched up to plant a kiss on my cheek.

"Natsuki?" I asked, stunned. My hand rose to touch my cheek, as if to verify that what had just happened wasn't a figment of my imagination. The deep green of her eyes swirled with emotions I couldn't interpret.

"You're graduating in a few days, and I know I should be happy for you. I am happy for you. But it'll be strange to walk along these halls and know that you won't be in any of them. I - I'll miss you," she confessed in a shaky voice.

"Natsuki." Overcome, I took her into my arms again. This time I embraced her tightly, allowing some of my feelings to come to the surface. "We will see each other again. Besides," I added, trying to make light of it, "isn't Natsuki relieved? No one will ambush her with coy words and embarrassing hugs anymore."

"I'd gladly give you all of those if it would mean you could stay," she returned heatedly, and I saw that my ploy hadn't worked. There were tears shining brightly in those beautiful eyes. Her hands came up and crumpled the sleeves of my uniform in her grasp. "I...Shizuru..."

My heart thudded as her lips pressed against mine in a sudden kiss. It was the most artless of kisses, just the swift pressure of her lips on mine, but it broke through the dam that held back my feelings like it was kindling. I recovered from my surprise just as those lips shifted to leave. Instinctively, my embrace changed to draw her close. My palms opened to trace the sleek curve of her back as I whispered her name into the mingled air of our breaths. Then our mouths were fused together again, and I was kissing Natsuki back.

For one endless moment, I was in the throes of a fevered dream. My love for Natsuki and fledgling hopes that she might return those feelings poured into the trembling pattern my mouth gently set against her warm, soft lips. You are everything I have ever hoped for. I swallowed a half-moan when the lips I'd almost given up on ever touching hesitantly but willingly began to follow.

I could barely move, barely breathe when we finally drew apart. "W-was that...?" Oh Natsuki, what have you done?

"My first kiss," Natsuki admitted shyly, a blush high on her cheeks. "Shizuru, I know you want... I just don't know if I... but maybe..." She stumbled over her words, and with an uncertainty that wrenched my heart from the elation of that kiss and smashed it to pieces, she fumbled with the fastening of her collar.

I stopped her because while I saw love in her, there was no desire. I knew how Natsuki moved, the way she could throw herself into a course of action with total conviction. I had seen it many times when we sparred, and even just now in her kiss. This clumsy, fumbling hesitation was not it. That was when I began to suspect that she had, if not outright planned this, then at least intended for everything before this point to happen. The picnic, the meals together, the gift, and maybe the kiss - this was Natsuki's way of saying goodbye.

I cradled her precious face in my hands. The other Corals call her ice cold, but she was the sweetest person who had ever come into my life. If I knew her less, or if she had made this offer just a few, short months ago, I would've pounced on this chance to make her mine. But because she was so kind, and I loved her, I knew that this gift was not mine to take. "That is something Natsuki must save for when she is sure." And now I know that I must truly love you, because it won't be with me, will it? "Thank you for your kiss. I will always cherish it."

"But -"

I cut across the stubborn but half-hearted protest. "What is it that Natsuki thinks I want?"

"Um, I guess...what married couples do?" she muttered.

I would've laughed at her diffident phrase if my heart wasn't breaking - for with her actions, Natsuki had made her feelings known as clearly as if she'd said them aloud. "Maybe that was true once," I freely admitted. "But you see, your irredeemable oneesama made a serious mistake. Despite all your remonstrations, I'm afraid that she -" to my horror, my voice quavered "- she has fallen for you." I could no longer meet her eyes, fearing that it would be that gaze which would break the little control I had left. "Perhaps she isn't so irredeemable after all."

Her eyes widened in shock. "Sh-Shizuru?"

You had no idea, did you? I shook my head to stall her. I needed to continue while I still had the strength. "So what I want is simply this: I wish you every happiness, Natsuki."

At my words, the tears in those verdant eyes did what mine could not; they spilled over. "I want that for you, too. I wish...but I...there are so many things I'm still trying to figure out."

"It's alright," I assured her with utmost gentleness. "It's not your fault. It's a feeling, so it's either there or..." It's not. All this time you were just trying to say goodbye to your oneesama. I stepped away and turned my back to her because no matter how much I smiled, she knew me well enough now to realize that she was causing me pain. "I just wanted Natsuki to know that I love her. But that doesn't mean -"

Again she surprised me. The last thing I expected were the arms that caught me from behind and wrapped tightly around my waist. Natsuki tugged me back until I was enveloped in her embrace for once, instead of the other way around. "Me too. I love you too, Shizuru," she said fiercely. "I will always be your friend. I will always stand by your side."

I placed my hands on top of the ones holding me captive. I had hugged her like this dozens of times. It felt strange but so good this way, that she was holding me for a change. I bit my lip to keep myself from tearing up. "I know." It's just different, right, Natsuki? It didn't hurt any less because she meant it. I had no doubts that she would go to the ends of the world for my sake. But she didn't want what I did.

We stayed like that for awhile, not talking, until we were both steady enough to let go.

"Is it true that Haruka isn't coming back tonight?" Natsuki asked as we faced each other. At my confirming nod, she continued, "In that case...is it okay if I stay here with you?"

"That's not wise," I dissuaded her. 'It will be torture!' my head protested. But my heart didn't care. It would gladly spend eternity in bittersweet hell, holding the girl I loved but couldn't have. "If anyone finds out -"

"I don't care what anyone else thinks. We both know the truth." Stubbornly, she outlined her plan, "I'll sneak back before dawn. Mai understands and she'll cover for me. But even if someone catches me, surely being number two Coral counts for something. Otherwise, what use is it?"

And that was how we spent our second night together. Some time before dawn, I succumbed to the exhaustion of the last few days and fell asleep holding her. When I awoke, it was still dark, but she was gone and only her scent and the warmth of the sheets proved that I hadn't dreamt the entire thing.

So Natsuki liked the fact that I loved her, was even happy that I did. But she didn't feel the same way. The breaths I took burned deep in my chest. Look on the bright side, Shizuru, at least you're no longer in limbo. Isn't that what you wanted? I buried my head in my pillow as my tears flowed freely at last. All I want is Natsuki. I don't care for anything else! Thankfully, it didn't take much longer for the sleep I'd held at bay for so long to reclaim me.

In the days that followed, for the sake of my own sanity, whenever Natsuki and I met I kept my teasing to words. Even up to the last day of my life as a Pearl, I did not try to catch her in my arms again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't shoot! *ducks just in case* See why this wasn't a good update to post before the holidays? Not that it was ready back then, but let's just agree that it would've been a bad idea. :)  
> Thanks to everyone who left kudos and comments! They make my muse incredibly happy. Thanks also goes to xxmadlaxx, who took a time from her ridiculously busy schedule to beta this fic!


	5. The Past: The Dance

**THE CORNERS OF THIS ROOM**  
By: wyback  
© 2014

 

 **5\. The Past:** **The Dance**

  
The days to graduation were a whirlwind. In any school, graduation is marked by a ceremony. In Garderobe, there were practically three: the dance battle between the Pearls and Corals, the presentation of the graduating class to Our Lady Fumi, and the ceremony that would mark our ascension to Meister.

The right to represent one's year in the graduation dance wasn't a matter of ranking. The students fought a series of quick contests until the Pearls and Corals each had a best pair. But this year it might as well have been, because the results decreed that Haruka and I would face Mai and Natsuki in battle. Since this was a ceremonial dance, we would use staffs. Otomes did not display their elements solely for show, and students fought only with staffs unless given special permission.

The dance, open to a select number of invited guests and broadcast to the world at large, was an event in Wind City. Even when I was a child, it felt like a holiday. Everything in the city stopped for those few hours. Cafes and restaurants hosted viewing events on wall-sized screens, packaged with special meals. Hotels did brisk business from the dignitaries, tourists, and families of graduates who poured into the city.

This year, the interest was heightened, nearly electric. Judging by the animated conversations in the corridors that wavered whenever I approached, only to resume buzzing when I was a few steps away, everyone in Garderobe was intent on watching the match.

The interest wasn't just because, in a place where every student was trained to the utmost of her ability, Natsuki and I were considered among the elite, but also because we were the closest of oneesama and heya-gakkari. Outsiders wondered whether we could bear laying a hand on each other. Those within Garderobe understood that because our respect for each other ran deep, Natsuki and I would fight with nothing less than our best ability. Honor and affection demanded it. _Plus neither of us likes to lose,_ I admitted wryly _._ Natsuki was just more obvious about it.

I barely saw Natsuki during those last frantic days, and I was grateful for that. While the pain had dulled, I was still heartsick. So every time I felt a pang in my chest, it was a welcome relief to go for a run, perform another series of katas, or schedule intensive practice with Haruka. I usually turned in only when I was at the point of collapse. Even Haruka grudgingly complimented me on my focus.

I nearly laughed at that. _Oh the irony._ I wondered how Haruka would react if I told her the truth. When my body was pushed to its limits, my heart didn't have time to ache, my mind didn't wander off to contemplate eyes of verdant green, or replay the exquisite torture of being held with deep care...but not love, or at least not the kind I had. _Natsuki will never return my kind of love._

On the eve of the dance, my restlessness brought me to the area where the dance would take place. The Garderobe arena was a sand-colored building of several levels, three of which were visible from the outside. The large building curved around a wide open, circular space in the middle. The highest two levels accommodated the spectators while the bottom layers held various rooms, machinery, corridors, exits and stairs. Within the paved area at the center - the site where the actual dance took place - rose huge columns of stone. The circumference of each column one was so wide, several people could easily stand on the flat surface at the top. Underground machinery allowed the columns to be raised or lowered at will.

On the day of the match itself, as tradition demanded, the column bearing Haruka and I rose into the arena first. Cheers for the Pearls erupted from the assembled crowd as we came into view. Our robes gleamed immaculately white in the bright morning sun.

"Hey, Shizuru," Haruka nudged me. For some reason she seemed positively jovial today. "What do you say? Let's settle this once and for all. We'll see who can beat the Corals faster."

Whatever else one can say, no one could doubt my roommate's determination. In her way, she kept me on my toes. My reply was laced with amusement and genuine affection. "Never change, Haruka."

"What does that mean?" she demanded. But there was no time for more because across the arena the column bearing the Corals was locking into place. More cheers greeted their arrival.

As we waited for the Headmistress to finish exhorting the graduating students and welcome Garderobe's distinguished guests _,_ my gaze fixed on the pair of Corals some distance away. _Oh who was I kidding_? For once, I could ogle Natsuki to my heart's content. Everyone would simply assume that I was sizing up the competition.

What they didn't know was that I'd already lost something far more precious than a dance to this opponent. But - and for the first time in days I felt my lips stretch into a ghost of a grin - that didn't mean I couldn't win this round. _At least,_ I told her silently, _let me show you that your oneesama is worthy one last time._

I could feel emerald eyes narrowing as my body shifted almost casually into a long front stance, and the easy but firm way I now held my staff in two hands, one palm up and the other down. Natsuki and I had sparred many times with staffs. It was the most basic of elements, a sturdy but flexible pole of metal alloy between four to six feet long, with the precise length varying according to the student's reach, need and comfort level. Each end flared into a slightly rounded head with a flat tip. Like any element, the staff could be extended or shortened by will.

I wondered if Natsuki remembered our lessons. A staff is nothing like a sword. It's perceived weakness is also its greatest strength. It has no edge, no point. By extension, all sides are 'edges' that can be used in attack or defense. And though it was not a cutting instrument, every student of Garderobe knew from experience that a staff could bruise or injure. If not for our nanomachines, all of us would've been in constant danger from concussions and broken bones.

When the Headmistress gave the signal for the dance to begin, the Corals soared into the air as one. Natsuki and Mai took off in different directions as they sought to flank us. They bounded from one column to another, using each landing as a platform from which they could launch with greater speed. In their crimson robes, they resembled red missiles headed straight for us.

Just when it seemed like we might simply wait for their attack, Haruka and I leapt to intercept them, intent on breaking the Corals' momentum. I braced myself for the impact of Natsuki's staff - only to have her duck past me, tuck into a roll as she landed, somersault off the column and away.

 _Wha-? Did Natsuki just completely avoid me?_ I goggled at that as I landed...and nearly missed the whisper of motion behind me. There was no time to turn and block, and though I was already throwing my body into the opposite direction, it wasn't enough to avoid the thump of Mai Tokiha's extended staff along the back of my ribs. My robe registered the hit.

There was a moment of hushed surprise as the faculty announced that "first blood" had gone to the Corals, and against the number one Pearl! Shouts of surprise erupted from the assembled crowd. Now everyone knew what I had assumed all along - this fight would not be easy.

On a column several feet away, Natsuki was already trading blows with an enraged Haruka. I nearly rolled my eyes, knowing that my roommate's anger wasn't because the Corals had scored first. In ganging up on me, Haruka probably felt that the Corals had somehow ignored her.

 _They sure aren't going to be able to ignore her now._ Was the misdirection Natsuki's idea? Aside from the sheer surprise of it, the way she and Mai had switched opponents neutralized a great advantage on my part. While Natsuki and I were both familiar with each other's fighting styles, as her oneesama I'd had a hand in guiding her dance. This way, Mai and Natsuki were facing opponents to whom they were unknown entities.

 _But not entirely unknown._ Mai was the number one Coral, and I always had an awareness of potential opponents. I spun away from her lunge, switched my staff to my other hand in mid-twirl, and returned with a solid blow that she had no chance of blocking because it came from a direction wholly unexpected. _Fool me once..._ The speakers blared and this time the cheering was for the Pearls as my opponent staggered back.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Haruka landing a solid blow on Natsuki's shoulder. But in the next second Natsuki had used the twin tails of her robe to grab at the extended staff. With Haruka's weapon entangled, Natsuki was free to score an impressive swing that sent the Pearl flying off the column.

My roommate soon caught herself and managed to land nearby. "Watch out for the tails! Natsuki is very good at using them!" I called out.

"Now you tell me?!" Haruka shouted back indignantly. But I could tell from her expression that the move had earned her respect. She would take Natsuki seriously from now on.

I wasn't the only one who noticed this, and there was a fleeting smile on Mai Tokiha's face before she launched another attack at me.

 _She's good,_ I thought as I blocked and weaved _._ While Natsuki fought with an underlying current of aggression, Mai displayed a calmer focus in a fight. Her defensive skills were formidable, and there was a near-effortless quality to her airborne techniques. I wondered what her element was. I couldn't picture her with something as obvious as a sword like mine or a flail like Haruka's. No, Mai's weapon would be more subtle, not so blunt in the danger it represented, much like Mai herself. That was the thing about the dance - it revealed more about who a person was at their core. As we fought, I began to believe that Mai was who she appeared to be: a girl who genuinely liked people and had a bright outlook in life, one who would protect what was important to her with a smile.

Come to think of it of it, Natsuki was like that too...only not so much with the liking for people or the bright outlook, and in her case the smile was more often a glare. _Why were these two friends again?_

Suddenly Mai was whirling away from the reach of my staff and, as if I'd invoked her, my heya-gakkari was in front of me. An onslaught of blows - more forceful than the first Coral's - rained down on me, preventing me from giving chase. If Mai's defense was formidable, Natsuki had the edge in attacks. One nearly got through, a deceptively simple front thrust that placed the tip of her staff an inch away from the hollow of my throat before my block was completely in place.

Our eyes met as I shoved the tip of her staff away, and twisted my weapon into a lunge. She smirked as she jumped away from it. _Gotcha, didn't I?_

I favored her with a coolly raised brow. _Think you can best me? Prove it._

Our weapons met with an resounding crack, and I could almost hear the crowd sigh. This was the face-off that they'd been waiting for since the start.

At first, our exchange was fairly straightforward, flawless but simple strikes and counters meant mostly to probe each other's defenses. Gradually, our movements gained momentum and complexity. Four point strikes melded seamlessly into spins and combinations. We turned, spun, jumped high to execute overhead blows. With each pass, our staffs picked up speed until they were singing the quick staccato beats of well-executed katas. _Oh but we're capable of more, aren't we, Natsuki?_

I took things up a notch, then another, and she matched me each time, speed for speed, blow with block, strike with counter. Each motion was precise and took no more than seconds. Blink wrong and you'd miss it. Block wrong or angle your staff ten degrees too far, and the dance would be over. Our staffs flashed brightly in the sun, sometimes in one hand, most times in two, as each flew to meet or thwart its target. There is a condition that comes only with training, a zone that is beyond conscious thought. Natsuki and I slipped into it effortlessly. Neither of us needed to plan the next parry, strike, step or handhold - our bodies simply _knew_.

Smiles and taunts disappeared as we poured ourselves into an all-out effort to find the weakness in the other's pattern of attack and defense. My gaze seared crimson as it collided with a flinty emerald glare.

_"You don't smile when you fight," Natsuki had noticed months ago. "Well maybe at the start. But once we really get into it your expression says something else entirely."_

_"Oh? And what mysterious message has Natsuki gotten from my face?" I asked curiously._

_My tone was half-joking, but her reply was completely serious. "It says, 'I will defeat you.'"_

The dance strips away all masks and reveals us for what we are. All these girls and women trained in flower-like grace and modesty? We are Otomes, warriors, protectors. That is what the graduation dance reminds the world of every year. What it carefully obscures, with its proscription on staffs only, is that once we have our true gems, we wield the power of entire armies.

A buzz grew in the stadium as the silvered elements in our hands spun and clashed in an unrelenting rhythm. When the exchange stretched to a full minute, the audience roared, louder than anything that had come before. Even our best sparring matches had never gone unbroken for so long. The crowd knew that this was close-quarters staff fighting at its best.

Then we were past the one-minute mark, and still Natsuki and I did not falter. The speed and complexity of our attacks only increased until it seemed like we were fighting with whirling bolts of lightning in our hands. Our steps adjusted and matched as nimbly as those in a true dance. It was an intricate display of skill, and only a pair such as we, with our level of training and familiarity with each other, could've achieved it.

But as glorious as it was, it couldn't last forever. One of us had to give, and in the end it was Natsuki. She was my heya-gakkari, my sparring partner, and the girl that I loved. My eye never strayed far from her, and I knew the rhythm to her movements like the back of my hand. For a second, she shifted into a cat stance, a position that by necessity placed most of her balance on one leg. It was by no means a mistake, but it provided the opening I was looking for. I surged forward and placed all of my robe-enhanced strength behind a powerful, two-handed blow that Natsuki blocked. But she had mistaken my intent. I wasn't trying to score a hit on her body. The momentum behind my strike pushed her back and for a split-second her balance was off. In a flash, I charged. My staff swung in a forceful, unstoppable arc that swept her over the edge of the column. The whole exchange had lasted maybe six seconds.

The crowd held their collective breath as Natsuki fell, but they didn't watch her as closely as I did. I held ready to go after her, and relaxed only when the tails of her robe snaked out to hook around the nearest pillar. A half-grin graced my lips as Natsuki used the momentum to swing herself easily onto another column. _That's my girl._

Mai was soon by her side, her concern clear for all to see. For a second I envied how easily they related to each other, how open Mai was with her feelings and how Natsuki seemed to accept that from her. In a school that fostered competition, they had obviously become the truest of friends. Now I was able to put my finger on what the two Corals had in common: they were stronger when they fought with purpose.

My eyes narrowed. _I am such an idiot._ The Corals weren't fighting as separate units; they were protecting each other! Their basic strategy was the same as when they'd first attacked me. They were working as a team, pitting Mai's stronger defensive skills and Natsuki's edge in attacks, dodging between Haruka and I where those skills were best used against us. And Mai had, until now, kept me away from Natsuki, to whom I was a greater threat.

 _Two can play at that game._ While Haruka and I weren't as close as the Corals, still we had fought together or each other for the past two years. Enough so that when I called to her, Haruka understood and without another word made her way towards me until we, too, were standing side by side. The dance paused, and the Corals turned to face us.

The crowd set to murmuring as I inclined my head towards the Corals in a slight bow. It was an open acknowledgment of my respect for my opponents' skills...and as good as an announcement that this dance was coming to an end.

In a few years, I had no doubt that when the four of us met again, we would be equals in the field. But for now Haruka and I held the same advantage all Pearls had when they faced the Corals at these dances: We had another year of training over them, our robes were better, and we, too, were the most skilled in our year. But in our case, that year had already been whittled down to the best among the Corals.

I signaled to Haruka and she nodded smugly. This time, when we launched from the column, it was with the use of the one ability Corals had no experience with, because their robes simply didn't possess the capability. We flew.

A jump requires bracing and momentum. Even in such a relatively limited space, flight took me near-instantly from zero to the speed of an onrushing train. It also opens up the field of battle. When one is completely airborne, one isn't just concerned about the 360 degrees of level horizon but every inch of space above and below as well. Before Mai and Natsuki knew it, Haruka and I were before them. My staff scored a solid blow to Mai's midsection even as I was already flying past her. I was away before she could retaliate, hovering well out of the range of any counter she could mount. Haruka had done the same to Natsuki.

Together, Haruka and I hammered away at the Corals' defenses. They had little choice but to stand their ground. The Corals stood back to back as Haruka and I whirled airborne around and above them. We hovered beyond their range and darted in whenever we spotted an opening. Each attack took only seconds, and while not all succeeded, enough of our strikes got through.

The Corals soon figured that they stood no chance where they were. At Natsuki's signal, they jumped off the column, using the extended tails of their robes to see them safely below. On the ground, among the maze of stone, flight would no longer be an advantage. But the damage was done. A quick glance at the screens confirmed that the Corals' robes were heavily depleted.

Haruka and I touched down several feet from our opponents. I watched as Natsuki said something to Mai, and they traded smiles. _They're going to rush us._ I glanced at Haruka, who nodded. We readied our staffs and prepared for the Corals' last sally. The crowd was silent, enraptured as they sensed the dance coming to its pinnacle -

Then the world _**exploded**_. Instinct and training had the four of us hitting the ground for cover. Dust flew all around us. We barely had time to suck in a clear breath before there was another _BOOM_ followed by a resounding _craack_ -! The sound came from somewhere in front of me. I lifted my head just in time to see the massive column behind the Corals fracture.

My scream of Natsuki's name as I launched into a dead run had my heya-gakkari glancing behind her just as a huge chunk of the column - roughly the top quarter - separated from the rest and began to topple towards them. Natsuki had seconds to act, and she did. She shoved Mai out of the way.

Then my body was hitting hers, swerving us away. I knew immediately that it wasn't enough. My efforts had only taken us out of the behemoth's direct path. We would survive maybe, but the massive broken mass would pulverize what it could reach, and part of it would definitely fall on us. I could only hope that my robed body shielded enough of Natsuki to take most of the damage, since her robe was close to the point of collapse.

Even as we fell, Natsuki was shouting. Her eyes never left the deadly juggernaut hurtling towards us. My ears picked up the telltale sound of elements materializing, then the familiar sound of her guns shooting and shooting as her arms stretched out on either side of my head.

We hit the ground hard. Natsuki's breath left in an "oomph" as her body cushioned our landing. The debris from the column pelted us seconds after, most reduced to shards that might have cut us to pieces if they hadn't been deflected by our robes. Larger pieces followed. A hurtling, jagged piece bigger than a fist thudded against my skull. I felt the skin of my scalp split open at the impact, and knew that the sudden warmth pouring down my neck must be blood.

"Shizuru!" I had never heard Natsuki sound so frantic. "Shizuru!" When the barrage of shrapnel ended, agitated hands turned me over as if I weighed nothing. They slid down and cradled my neck in the gentlest of holds.

My sight tunneled into a narrow circle, but it was enough to see what was most important to me. "Natsuki... _"_

"B-baka!" She looked like she wanted to rail at me. "Why did you do that? I could've -"

But the rest of her protestations faded away as blackness claimed me.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks goes to xxmadlaxx for devoting some precious weekend time to beta this chapter.  
> This update took awhile because a) I suck at writing fight scenes, and b) I was traveling for some time. Apologies all around. Considering how important dance battles are to the Otomeverse, I hope this chapter's at least decent.  
> To everyone who's given feedback or kudos, I can't thank you guys enough!


	6. The Past: Pieces of a Puzzle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, your eyes aren't fooling you. Yes, there's a new chapter. I'm so sorry for the ridiculously long wait but life and work just combined and snowballed me. On the bright side, this chapter is one of the longest yet and I'm guessing some of you will like the way it ends.Many thanks to xxmadlaxx, who is currently in the middle of her own adventure but took the time to beta this fic.

**THE CORNERS OF THIS ROOM**  
By: wyback  
© 2014

 

**6\. The Past: Pieces of a Puzzle**

The period that followed is lost to me. I have no memory of anything after blacking out. No hazy kaleidoscope of images or even a vague sense of time passing by. Only that one moment I was senseless, and the next there were...sounds?

"...bubuzeke woman, getting herself all bonged up like that."

"It's 'banged up,' Haruka dear," a girl corrected affectionately. "How about you? Are you feeling better?"

"Ha! As if such a sneaky, underhanded act like that could defeat me!" my roommate scoffed. Then, in a lower tone, "Hey, what did I say about calling me 'dear' when other people are around?"

"Oops, sorry, it just slipped out." Somehow I could tell that despite the sincerity of the apology, Haruka's companion was smiling.

"...There's not much more we can do but wait." Another voice, one I didn't recognize. "Luckily, the skull wasn't penetrated, but of course there's the mass lesion. It's shrinking but we'll continue to monitor it, do more scans when she's regained consciousness. But right now, the Director thinks we should give the nanomachines and  treatment the chance to -"

"You want us to just sit here and wait?! If it's true that nothing else is wrong then why the hell is Shizuru still in a coma?"

_There_. I would know that dearly familiar, aggravated growl anywhere. It was just the push I needed to break through the last of the foggy haziness.

"Nat...suki." My throat felt parched, and the chide that followed was weak. "Please don't... berate someone who is only trying to help."

"Shizuru!" By the time my eyes managed to flutter open, Natsuki was a blurry figure standing by my bed. She grabbed a nearby glass and held it carefully to my mouth. "Easy," she said as I swallowed the water greedily.

"Be careful when you move your head." I blinked several times until I could see the woman who cautioned me. Judging by her white coat, she was a medic and a young one at that, no more than mid-twenties. She wasn't that much older than us really, but as a full-fledged adult she belonged to a world apart. She had dark brown hair that curled around the base of her neck and bluish eyes that regarded me kindly. More impressively, she did not seem the least bit put out by Natsuki's outburst. "It's nice to see you awake. My name's Yohko Helene, I joined Garderobe's science division last month," she explained when she noticed my confusion.

"Thank you...Helene-sensei?" I struggled to get the words out right.

She gave me a smile that was meant to be reassuring. "Just 'Yohko' is fine. If you'll excuse me, I'll let the Director know that you're awake."

At her departure, my eyes turned shakily to the girl who stood staunchly by my bed...and for the first time I realized that she was not unscathed. "Oh Natsuki, your cheek...!"

Even the wide band of gauze that shielded most of the left side of her face couldn't wholly cover the vicious blotting of the bruise beneath. My hand curled into a fist as anger burned away the last of the fogginess. "When they catch who did this, I will strike him myself!"

_Why?!_ To attack, not the Meisters or Pillars or even the nobles and politicians in the audience, but the students of Garderobe? It made no sense. Strategically, we were worth nothing; until we had real Gems, we had no influence or power. If we were targeted then it was only to make a point, or for some purpose so obscure we couldn't even tell what it was. Did it even matter whether four schoolgirls had nearly died as unwitting pawns or as scattered pieces, fodder on a messy gameboard? Not to whoever had planted that bomb. To him or her, we were the same as the stone column, just another thing that had to be brought crashing to the ground.

In my mind, I heard the lament that Natsuki had once dared to confide in me - " _Why do our lives matter so little?_ " Only now was I beginning to understand. Like so many, I had simply regarded such dangers as the inevitable fate of Otomes. But Natsuki was precious to me, and now I knew that I would never accept that harm should befall her. No, not even when she became an Otome.

But wasn't that true of everyone here? Every girl at Garderobe was expected to willingly give her life - that's how we were chosen. There was no one here who was scared to die, and if there was then they wouldn't make it past Coral. Yet each student was surely cherished by someone somewhere. Wasn't that what Natsuki had been trying to tell me? The deaths of the Otomes that had come before us and the lives that would be spent in the years ahead - all of them mattered. But the world saw us as weapons first and forgot that we were people, and often young at that. How many Otomes had died without even reaching twenty-five?

"It's okay, it's just a surface wound." Natsuki's dismissive words brought me back to the present. Though she tried to sound nonchalant, I could tell that she was shaken too. Before this, we had taken for granted that Garderobe was safe, that the risks of an Otome would only be ours after we left the shelter of these walls. That had been proven false. "You though..." Her emerald eyes burned as they skimmed the thick swath of bandages on my head.

_That bad?_ I swallowed, remembering the slippery feeling of skin parting like butter. "What happened after...?"

"Chaos," she said with dismal simplicity. "People were screaming and running for the exits. I shouted for help but it was so long before anyone came. You were hurt so badly, Shizuru. We tried to get you to the infirmary but -"

"They deactivated our gems!" The strident objection came from Haruka, who was getting up from the only other bed in the room and making her way towards us.

"Haruka!" A girl roughly our age followed her nervously. "The doctor said -"

"I'm fine, Yukino," the blonde grumbled. "I can't stay in bed any longer. About time you woke up." The last part was directed at me.

"Apologies," I murmured, while Natsuki rolled her eyes. "And then?"

"The new doctor arrived. She was watching the dance with her friend, an older guy. When she saw what happened, she ran through the crowd and he followed her. He helped us carry you to the infirmary." Funny, but the way Haruka huffed as she told the story did not smack of gratitude.

Come to think of it, Natsuki didn't look pleased either. There was a frown on her face, and her arms were crossed over her chest.

"Natsuki?" I prodded.

"He was...very interested in the infirmary," she replied after a moment. I could tell that she was trying to pinpoint the cause of her dislike. "Oh he was perfectly polite, but he kept looking around and expressing admiration for Garderobe technology. That's exactly what he said, 'Garderobe technology is a marvel.'" Her eyes narrowed. "He kept saying things like that while the rest of us were frantically moving things aside trying to clear a space for you. It's as if the technology mattered more than the fact that you were hurt."

My eyes grew wide. "He was allowed inside? Not just out here but inside the lab?" Visitors were allowed into the clinic to visit the ill or injured all the time, but not even all of the students had seen the working rooms of Garderobe's science division, where Otome technology was kept.

Natsuki and Haruka exchanged a look, and I knew what their answer would be.

"Yes." The matching expressions on their faces told me that they were only now realizing how serious this was. "As far as the outer labs, anyway. Yohko-sensei was focused on getting you inside so she could treat you," Natsuki explained. "He walked straight in with us because he was carrying you. It wasn't for long, she shooed him out as soon as we got you on a table. But he did get inside."

"We have to tell the Director!" Haruka exclaimed. "It's against the rules."

"If we do, Yohko-sensei will be in trouble. She's new, remember. They might even fire her. Do you want that?" Natsuki snapped belligerently. "She was the only one who helped us. If she hadn't gotten to us when she did, Shizuru could have -"

"Ha! Just because of a rock?" my roommate scoffed. "You're giving Shizuru too little credit. Her head's a lot harder than that."

"Thanks, Haruka." Did she hear how wry that was?

"You're welcome," she returned with pride.

I suppressed a sigh. _Of course she meant it as a compliment._ "How long was I out?"

"A couple of days," Haruka replied.

"Almost forty hours," Natsuki corrected with bleak precision. "You got the worst of it. You slipped into a coma after they operated on you. We weren't sure if..." Was I imagining the sheen being blinked back in her eyes? But she was already turning her head towards the blonde Pearl. "Speaking of injuries, shouldn't you be resting too? Haruka got caught in the explosion," she explained to me.

"Look who's talking! You should've seen the fuss this one made," Haruka stuck her thumb out towards Natsuki, "when they tried to get her into a wheelchair."

"That's because I didn't need a wheelchair!" Natsuki's brows drew together in a vee of total irritation. "Shizuru was lying there bleeding to death, why were they wasting time trying to find me a chair?!"

"Ara, it's 'to death' now?" Haruka and Natsuki were too busy glaring at each other to catch it, but the girl just behind them stifled a giggle. "Oh Haruka, I see your lovely friend has joined us today."

"My lovely...?" The blonde seemed uncharacteristically flustered as she made room for the girl with short, curly brown hair and glasses. "Yukino, you remember my roommate, Shizuru Viola? Yukino's an honors exchange student at the university, and an intern with the Aries ministry of foreign affairs," she told us proudly. "I invited her to watch the dance."

"I believe we've met before." I held my hand out and summoned as much of a smile as I could, considering the circumstances. "Though not formally."

"Yes, p-pleased to meet you again," the girl returned nervously as she shook my hand.

_Oh she was shy, this one. How cute._ "The pleasure is mine," I said with more warmth, and watched as she fiddled with her glasses. "You must tell me about university when the time permits. I've always been curious." That was actually the truth, but for some reason two sets of eyes began to glower at me. Haruka I understood, but why Natsuki?

Thankfully, when Natsuki spoke to the newcomer it was only with curiosity. "I've seen you before, haven't I?"

"I watched the dance early this year," Yukino offered more easily, now that she was talking to someone who wasn't giving off a "senpai" vibe. Natsuki tended to address everyone, younger or older, in the same brash way. I'd always assumed that it was because she was from Aries, but seeing how polite Yukino was, I wondered whether it was a trait more personal to Natsuki.

"That's right!" Natsuki was nodding. "Mai and I sat next to you during that first dance between Shizuru and Haruka. I'm from Aries, too. How are you finding Windbloom? It's really hot and dry sometimes, isn't it?"

"Oh yes, the climate was one of the first things I had to adjust to," Yukino agreed readily.

I hid a grin as they began swapping tips about how to keep cool and where to get good ice cream. _Look at my heya-gakkari, trying to put another person at ease_.

"Yes, well," Haruka cleared her throat. "Sorry to cut this short but it's getting late. Yukino, you should probably head back home. Let me walk you out. I need to stretch my legs."

The pleased smile the offer got held more than gratitude. _Ah so it's like that. I wonder if Haruka realizes it._

"It was good to meet you," Yukino said to us in parting. "I wish you both a speedy recovery."

We thanked her. Now that her countryman was gone, Natsuki was back to looking distinctly displeased.

I was mystified by this reaction. "What?"

"Honestly, you have a hole in your head and you still have it in you to flirt?" she huffed.

"I was merely being friendly," I said with a grin as a pair of icy greens bored into me. "Oh alright, maybe I was pulling Haruka's leg a little. At least she's not thinking of reporting the doctor anymore. Not to mention she can use a little push in the right direction."

"Huh? Direction?" Natsuki repeated.

"Yukino likes her."

"Well duh, of course she - wait." Her forehead scrunched in confusion. "You mean she like-likes her?"

My brow rose at her reaction. "Surely by now, Natsuki is aware that it can happen. Yes, kohai," I said in a mocking tone, "girls can like each other."

"That's not what I meant!" she denied indignantly. "Not about them being girls, anyway."

"Oh? Then what does?"

"The liking. How could you have possibly figured that out? We talked to them for all of two minutes!"

I shrugged. "I've known Haruka longer." _And I've been trained to observe people_. "Besides, there were other clues. We've both seen Yukino with Haruka before. Also, does Natsuki remember when she...spent the night?" I studiously ignored the unaccustomed heat climbing my cheeks. "Remember why Haruka was away? It was because she volunteered to assist with a group of visiting foreign dignitaries at the palace."

"So?"

"Didn't Haruka just say that Yukino was an intern with the Aries foreign ministry?"

"You think Yukino was part of the delegation?"

"Possibly." I flattened the sheet in front to me to avoid that probing gaze. No matter how things had ended, that night still held a special resonance for me. "Obviously, they've known each other for much longer since Yukino was already Haruka's guest at our first dance."

Natsuki sighed. "I still don't get it."

"You don't believe two girls can like each other that much?" A touch of coolness slipped into my voice.

"Gah, there you go again! I have no trouble with them being girls, okay?" she exclaimed irritably. "But just now, because you think Yukino likes Haruka, you gave them a 'little push.' Even if you're right about that, aren't you being well...assuming? What makes you think that those feelings will even last?"

Now it was my turn to be surprised. "Natsuki doesn't believe that affection can last?" I asked slowly.

"Does it?" A wealth of bitterness lay behind her words. "People talk about love so easily. Then they leave or they're taken or circumstances change, and the next thing you know the same people who profess to love you are saying that what you want doesn't matter anymore, and they send you away." Her hands wrapped around the railing of my bed in a tight grasp.

_Where was this coming from?_ I could think of no words right then to assuage her, so I brushed the back of my hand against the whitened knuckles in a simple offer of comfort.

Natsuki's gaze was far off, her thoughts tangled in a different time and place. "Didn't your parents do that to you?"

I breathed deep. Such truth deserved only another in exchange. "No, my parents never bothered to pretend."

She gasped. "I'm sorry, Shizuru! I forgot -"

"No need," I said coolly. "My mother, I believe, held some affection for me. She played with me when I was younger and looked sad whenever the tutors came for me. But she let them take me anyway. She was too weak to stand up to the rest of them." _Too weak to stand up for me._ Even now it rankled. "I refuse to let that happen to me. I will never be in a position where I can't fight for someone who's precious to me," I vowed in a hard voice.

Natsuki was silent for a moment. Then she looked straight at me. "Even if that person would rather die herself, then see you in danger?"

"Natsuki..."

She rode across my words. "Two days ago, I had your blood on my hands. So much of your blood seeped into my uniform that I had to burn it. Just what were you thinking?" she burst out. "You saw the size of that thing! Even your Pearl robe wouldn't have protected you completely. And for what, for me? I couldn't even do anything for you except cry for help!"

Fear, anger, frustration, shame - so many emotions flowed through Natsuki as she spoke. Only then did I think of what she must've been through. If our positions had been reversed, if I had had to hold Natsuki bleeding in my arms and watch as she slipped into coma... But did she really think that I could've chosen differently, or that it was even a matter of choice? I had seen her in danger, my body had rushed forward - it was that simple, and that complicated.

"So I'm asking you, please don't do that again. Promise me you won't endanger yourself, not if it's just for my sake."

It was the last phrase that sparked my temper, the way it echoed with old conversations about me becoming a perfect Meister and her anything but, as if somehow that made her worth less. "There is no 'just' if it's for your sake," I said hotly.

"Shizuru -"

"No. I'm afraid this is one of those times when we must simply disagree."

"'Simply disagree?'" she repeated incredulously. Suddenly, I found myself at the receiving end of one of her full-on, patented glares. "Don't talk like I have no say in this! I already lost someone. I won't be the reason for something like that to happen again!"

"Natsuki." The steadiness in my voice was a deliberate counter to the ire in hers. I needed her to understand. "Why did you push Mai-san out of the way?"

She clamped her mouth shut, knowing immediately where I was going with this. She obviously didn't want to answer, but I simply waited until she finally muttered, "She's my friend."

"And am I not Natsuki's friend?" I closed my eyes briefly as she fell silent, satisfied that I had won this round. Or so I thought.

My eyes shot open as rough-tipped fingers glided over the back of my supine hand, and found myself enveloped in a determined emerald gaze. _Uh-oh._

"What about me?" she asked. "Am I your friend, Shizuru?"

_Oh no._ I swallowed. She understood alright, and now I was the one in a trap that was rapidly closing. "Natsuki..."

Her expression darkened. "Will you deny it?" Her tone carried a warning. If I dared to dissemble about this, she would remember.

"But you're still a Coral." I wanted to bang my head against the headboard the second the inane argument left my mouth.

That garnered a short, disbelieving laugh, like _really, that's the one you're going with?_ "I'll be a Pearl after break," she pointed out, amused. Natsuki still had possession of my hand, and for some reason she hadn't let it go yet. She turned it over and seemed strangely absorbed by it, or perhaps it was simply the best way to avoid my pleading gaze while she waited for my reply. I shivered as the pad of a thumb began to trace the lines on my palm. "Answer me?"

Was she asking for a declaration because she really didn't know? My thoughts flew back to the Natsuki of that snowy morning months ago. "You know you are."

The words I feared swiftly followed. "Then I claim the same right."

Emerald eyes rose to search my face and catch my reaction. Because it was just us, I knew that my worry for her was plainly displayed for all to see. Natsuki was valiant and she cared for me. If the time came, she'd risk herself without hesitation and I had no idea how to stop her. Then my heart stuttered because that shining gaze was traveling down and had paused at my lips, and there it stayed. Did I imagine the way her head was inclining ever so slowly towards mine?

"Shizuru..." She was so close now that I could feel her breath warm on my cheek. "I want to protect the person who's precious to me too..."

Only the discordant sound of banging doors brought us apart and back to reality. Our heads swiveled in time to see Yohko-sensei turning the corner, this time with the Director and two other medics at her heels. But it was the appearance of the rest behind her that made us straighten. What were the Archmeister and Miss Maria doing here?

_This cannot be good._ "What's going on?" I whispered before they were upon us.

Natsuki's expression was grim, but strangely unsurprised. "I used my element, remember?"

Only then did I recall how she'd used her guns during the dance _._ "But that was in defense!" Surely she was wrong. The security of our world had fallen apart and the powers-that-be were going after her?

"Don't worry, I'm sure things will get sorted out. Just get well, okay?" With a last squeeze of my hand, Natsuki stepped back to let the medics do their work.

Her movement also put distance between us. It was as good as a declaration to anyone watching that the responsibility for what had happened was hers alone. So brave...and so completely asinine! _How dare she try to protect me from something we'd both had a hand in?!_

"Now that you're awake, we're going to do some scans, okay?" Though she was speaking to me, Yohko-sensei cast a sympathetic glance at Natsuki as the others crowded around us. At the Director's orders, I was swiftly and efficiently placed on a gurney.

It was Miss Maria who stopped in front of my heya-gakkari. "Natsuki Kruger, Coral number two, you discharged your element without authorization," she pronounced in her grave voice. "The Director has declared you well enough to participate in the inquiry. Come with me."

"She only did what she had to -" I began to protest, but Natsuki caught my eye.

_Stay out of it_ , the icy cut of her glance said. And just like that, the Natsuki standing before us was the girl that everyone else knew, the Coral who had first approached me with a glower. Not that this cold facade wasn't a part of her, but in the past year she had let me see a gentler side as well. That was gone now. Natsuki's shoulders were thrown back, her expression indifferent, and her stance was every inch the rebel's under Miss Maria's unsmiling gaze. She was fully aware that she was in trouble and didn't look the least bit sorry for it.

_This is Natsuki's mask - no, her armor_. Like everything else about her, it wasn't exactly subtle. It projected her strength and determination in a way that did strange, fluttery things to my chest. And yet I could easily see the person beneath it, too. Was this what the past year had done to us? In ways both conscious and not, maybe we had bared our true selves to each other in too many ways to unsee it.

I opened my mouth to argue again, but this time it was the Archmeister who stepped lightly into my line of sight. She gave a brief shake of her head and the shock of that, more than anything, held my tongue.

Then the moment was past, and Natsuki and I were taken away in opposite directions.

* * *

I learned of Natsuki's fate only the next day. Mai Tokiha visited, and for the first time since I'd met her the carrot top was furious. Natsuki had saved our lives during the explosion. Her reward was to be charged with offenses serious enough to get her expelled.

"This is so -!" and there was a barrage of words in her native language that probably translated to four-letter ones in mine. "It's **not** fair!" Apparently, the past few days had been an eye-opener for Mai as well. That someone had attacked the school was one thing, but that Garderobe was turning on one of its students instead of pursuing the attackers? Shouldn't the one institution in the world responsible for training Otomes be more concerned with our welfare?

In an affronted tone, Mai relayed how Natsuki was confined to the Corrections Room, what the students more aptly called the "punishment room" because just being in it was punishment enough. Garderobe was centuries old and in past wars it had played a more militaristic role. The punishment room was a relic from those days, a dark, solitary cell that distinctly resembled a dungeon.

None of the students were allowed to visit Natsuki. The inquiry into her behavior would be held in a few days, and we who'd fought in the dance would be called as witnesses. It would be a closed hearing; only Garderobe personnel and the selected students could attend. That meant that Natsuki would be at the mercy of the very people who had charged her.

Only the thought that I might better serve Natsuki's interests by keeping up appearances held me back from stalking off in abject indignation like Mai. If I was to be a witness for Natsuki, then let it be the flawless first Pearl who would speak on her behalf.

But we needed more than that.

"You want me to do what?!" The young medic was so shocked, it was almost funny.

"Please, Yohko-sensei." My tone was not just polite but meek. "I just want to send Natsuki a message. I'm worried about her, she's been held in that room for days."

The woman was already shaking her head. Of course her first instinct would be to dismiss the request out of hand. "I'm sorry about your friend, okay? But -"

_At least she wasn't mad about it._ "It was Natsuki," I had the smallest leeway and explained in my softest voice, "who said that we shouldn't mention how your friend helped us that day...or how far he helped."

"You know why that happened," the medic countered sharply.

"Yes," I nodded, because it wouldn't have if the woman hadn't been so determined to save us and especially me. "That's why we didn't say anything - because it wouldn't be right." _Much like what was happening to Natsuki now wasn't right._

Maybe she agreed with that unsubtle message because after a minute of checking my vitals, her next, cautious question was, "What are you asking, exactly?"

I gave her a folded slip of paper. "If you could pass this to Natsuki before the hearing?"

"That's it?" She looked skeptical.

"You can read it if you want to. There's nothing in it that's...troublesome." Or at least more troublesome than the mess that we were already in.

She gave the paper a considering glance before pocketing it without opening it. Perhaps she would later. I would have in her place. "No promises," she warned, "but I'll try."

I held back a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Yohko-sensei."

* * *

Graduation day dawned bright and clear. The Pearls of Garderobe marched into the hall in beautifully precise straight lines, but I wasn't among them. Considering my condition and that I'd been in a coma, the Director opted to keep me under observation.

To my surprise, the Headmistress herself passed by after the ceremony. Still in her ceremonial Pillars attire, she awarded me my papers and explained, not unkindly, that my presentation to the Lady Fumi, ascension to Meister and the fitting of my Gem would all take place after I was cleared by the Director. They simply didn't want to take any chances that my condition would affect any of those events. I tried, very politely, to ask after Natsuki, but the Headmistress put me off with a vague statement that everything would be settled at the hearing.

I considered her as she left. The Headmistress was an imposing figure - nearly six feet tall, with blonde hair so pale that it shone white as it flowed down to the middle of her back. With her features, she wouldn't look out of place in some of the historical stories Natsuki liked, the ones about a seafaring people who explored and pillaged. When the Headmistress and the Archmeister stood together, they made a pair striking in their dissimilarity. The Archmeister was slightly shorter, with a complexion that veered towards caramel, and her locks were so rich a brown that it tinted with reddish highlights under bright sunlight.

Three days later, Haruka, Mai-san, and I were led into the Council Room. I say led, but in my case Mai volunteered to push. While I felt strong enough to walk, I did not demur when Yohko-sensei brought out a wheelchair. She explained that it was policy - even if I was better, officially I was still under observation and under the clinic's care. She was expecting resistance and normally I would've offered plenty. _But it's not a disadvantage to display weakness today._

As such places went, the Council Room wasn't that impressive, but it was the one place sure to strike fear into the hearts of Garderobe's students. Admissions were discussed in here; so were expulsions. As a room though, it was a mix between courtroom and conference hall, with rows of seats near the door for the audience that parted for a carpeted path in the middle. In front was a wide, circular space, with a raised dais at the end for the Headmistress and the other Pillars, and a round table on the right side.

Miss Maria showed us to our places and told us to wait for our names to be called. The Director and several faculty members entered after. Minutes later, the Headmistress, the Archmeister, and two other Pillars who we rarely saw around the school took their places at the raised dais in front that resembled a high judge's bench. The round table on the right, normally reserved for representatives from different nations when the World Council convened, was empty. Because the events had taken place during a school event on Garderobe grounds, the hearing was considered an internal matter. Today, two lone seats were placed in the middle of the circle. The one placed closer to the audience but facing the Pillars at all times was reserved for the subject of the hearing. The second seat at the center of the circle, midway between the student in trouble and the Pillars, was for the witness.

When the doors opened again, I knew without looking that it was Natsuki that was being escorted in. I knew because people's heads turned, and gasps broke out as the audience caught sight of her for the first time since the explosion. One of the younger teachers covered her mouth in shocked sympathy. Even the Director, who had treated Natsuki, shifted uncomfortably as the Coral strode past.

My message to Natsuki had been simple: _Your wound will heal better if it's uncovered._ I hadn't signed it, knowing that she would recognize my handwriting instantly.

I lifted my head only when she passed. As much as I'd tried to prepare myself, it took a lot not to flinch at the actual sight of what lay beneath her bandage. As everyone in the room watched Natsuki's steady approach towards the seat that would have her facing the constant scrutiny of the Pillars, I knew that most here were only now beginning to realize what her classmates already took for fact - the Coral was on her way to becoming a woman of striking beauty. Her hair swayed like a curtain of black silk draped halfway down her back, her figure would soon rival that of any model, and her face and skin, like the finest of porcelain, were flawless. Or they had been.

Unlike mine, Natsuki's injury was caused by shrapnel from the disintegrating column. As Yohko-sensei finally agreed to explain, the slivers of rock were far from fatal but they had struck Natsuki at exactly the wrong angle. The tiny missiles lacerated her skin in a series of messy, jagged lines from just above her jaw to the curve of her cheek bone, while the rest pummeled the flesh. The past days had darkened the bruising until it was a mottled purple and black.

Rightly or wrongly, the world responded to beauty. Set against the near-luminous perfection of Natsuki's skin and features, the tiny sutures that zigzagged over a third of her young face, haloed by angry, purple-black bruises, seemed twice as cruel.

_And it had happened inside Garderobe, during one of its most hallowed traditions._ That was the point we needed to make. I wanted the people in this hall to see, not just a defiant Coral, but the reality of who Natsuki was: a girl, no more than sixteen, who had been injured during a senseless and brutal attack. Perhaps she had broken the rules, but only to defend herself and her friends. Was it right to punish her for it?

The Headmistress cleared her throat once Natsuki was seated, and instructed the charges to be read. She didn't seem pleased by the shift in sympathies. The reason for the hearing became clear soon enough when we viewed the video and the coverage though. While the cameras that had broadcast our dance were damaged by the explosion, the crowd inside the arena had freely, and sometimes wildly, told their stories. That Natsuki had used her element was bad enough, but that it was so unusual? No one had seen an Otome wield this kind of element in twenty years. The eyewitness accounts and rumors surrounding Natsuki's display sparked a furor and suddenly it seemed like every other person in the world was talking about the attack on Garderobe and had an opinion about it. Natsuki's disobedience, on top of the explosion, made Garderobe look weak. The school felt it had to take action, and with the perpetrators on the loose, that left Natsuki.

A senior member of the Science Division explained that the explosion was caused by a cleverly planted bomb, which was timed to go off at the hour it did. Then Haruka, Mai and I were individually called as witnesses. Each of us walked to the chair placed midway between Natsuki and the dais where the Pillars sat. From there, we were each questioned by a different Pillar. Though each session began with how events had unfolded from our point of view, the questions eventually converged on Natsuki.

Haruka was her usual brash self, but surprisingly she went as far as to give Natsuki her ultimate compliment. Natsuki, she said, "showed guts" during the dance.

Mai was a sympathetic figure, and she emphasized how Natsuki had saved her from serious injury, if not worse. They may have been rivals in a way, but they were friends foremost. When the questioning veered into Natsuki's less stellar early days, Mai made sure to bring up how Natsuki had defended her from mean, underhanded attacks. Then she reminded everyone that however she'd started, Natsuki was now the unassailed number two Coral.

Natsuki sat staunchly throughout the proceedings. A surprised grin ghosted along her lips whenever Mai and Haruka said something complementary, but she didn't bat an eyelash when the questions turned accusatory either. She held her head high under the Pillars' observation and simply looked straight ahead or at the witness before her.

_Because by her standards, she did the right thing._ I was learning more about her from this incident. Natsuki might blush and splutter if she thought she hurt my feelings, but the events of the past days and now showed that she didn't flinch from acts that she thought necessary. This wasn't an act; she really wasn't the slightest bit sorry for breaking the rules to save Mai and myself.

When it was my turn, and Mai had wheeled my chair into place, it was the Archmeister who stepped forward. Unlike the other Pillars who seemed intent on drawing out details that painted Natsuki in a bad light, the Archmeister led me through an evenhanded account of the events. Eventually, she asked the one question that could only be asked of me. "You are Natsuki Kruger's oneesama, correct?"

"I am."

"What did you think of her conduct that day?"

Since they were asking for an assessment of my heya-gakkari, that's what I gave them. "The second Coral was weary from our dance and her robe was nearly depleted. But when the explosion happened, she kept her head and drew on her training and the last of her resources to protect her fellow students," I said evenly. "To me, she acted in the best tradition of Otomes. If she hadn't, Tokiha-san and I would not be present here today. I am both grateful and proud to be her oneesama."

I heard the murmurs of approval my straightforward response garnered. Mai said later that even Miss Maria had nodded slightly. Disparaging of Natsuki's grace she might be, but after the dance there were no doubts about Natsuki's courage.

If I had been paying less attention, I would've missed the swiftly exchanged glances between the Headmistress and the Pillar who had questioned Haruka. Finally, I understood why the Archmeister had dissuaded me from protesting the other day. _The Gakuencho herself was against Natsuki!_ We were up against so much more than I'd thought. This wasn't just about protecting the school's reputation. A fair hearing and the audience's sympathy wouldn't be enough if the Headmistress herself wanted Natsuki expelled.

The Pillar was on her feet and clearing her throat. "If I may interpose, is that all you are, oneesama and heya-gakkari? Or were there other reasons why Coral Kruger went to such lengths to protect you, even though such an act was clearly forbidden?"

Someone gasped at the temerity of the insinuation. The pairing of Pearls and Corals as oneesama and heya-gakkari was a hallowed Garderobe tradition, and over the years it wasn't unusual for some to develop romantic feelings. The school had never interfered for as long as both parties clearly understood that the liaison should end once the girls assumed their duties as Meister. The hundreds of romances out there about tragic, star-crossed Otomes weren't always about men and the women who couldn't love them. A good number featured Otomes who were torn between love and duty, or worse, who had to face their lover in battle.

The Archmeister frowned and objected, but the Headmistress simply waved that away and signaled that I should answer.

"No, that's not all that we are." I waited for the startled murmurs to dissipate at my casual denial. Serenely, I continued, "But I'm confused, ma'am. Wasn't this what the school wanted, seeing as it brought us together in the first place?" The murmurs rebounded, louder this time, but I pushed on before they could stop me. "As many here know, many Corals were vying to be my heya-gakkari at the start of the year. I have to admit that, until the administration called my attention, I wasn't aware that the second Coral was among them. I'm also embarrassed to admit that in the beginning I had my doubts as to whether we would be a suitable match. We are so very different." More traded glances asmy message sunk in - if they were going to try to use my relationship with Natsuki to crucify her then they wouldn't be unscathed by the attempt. Unfortunately, they weren't the only ones listening, and it was all I could do not to wince at the pair of eyes boring coldly into me. _Patience, Natsuki._ "But we dutifully submitted ourselves to the school's guidance, and in the end that foresight was proven correct."

"That is all." The Pillar hastily resumed her seat.

"Oh but I believe that's not all," the Archmeister injected with a silky grin. "Please complete your answer, Pearl number one Viola. How would you describe your relationship with Coral Kruger now?"

From across the room my gaze locked with green eyes. For the first time during the proceedings, there was a hint of uncertainty there and so I met them steadily, willing her to believe my next words. "She is the truest friend that I have ever had." My answer rang with sincerity, and no one could doubt that I was speaking with complete candor because I was. "And while I have tried to give her what limited guidance I could as a Pearl, I've also learned much from her. She is brave and loyal, and as first Coral Tokiha has said, those of us who are count ourselves as lucky to be her friends."

As I was dismissed and my chair was rolled back into place, I tried to comfort myself with the knowledge that we had done as much as we could. But now that I knew about the Headmistress, I doubted that it would be enough. My mind was still churning when the doors to the Council Room swung open again. Everyone looked up in surprise.

"President Saeko Kruger of Aries," a nervous attendant announced.

I nearly gaped at the woman who entered and walked straight towards the beleaguered Coral. But for the faint lines on her face, the glasses perched on her nose, and the slight differences in build, height, carriage and hair style, she was the very image of Natsuki. The woman stopped only when she was standing next to the astonished student. She squeezed the girl's shoulder briefly, but kept her eyes on the dais in front.

The Headmistress and Pillars got to their feet. "Welcome to Garderobe, Madam President. Unfortunately, I believe there's been some mistake," the Headmistress said in a stubborn but moderately apologetic tone. "As you can see, we are conducting a hearing on an internal matter. It does not involve the World Council."

The President-elect of Aries inclined her head as if in understanding, but didn't budge an inch. "My apologies for interrupting but you've mistaken my intent, Gakuencho. I will of course recuse myself from any discussion. But I hope everyone here understands that my presence today is simply that of a mother who's been worried sick for her child. I haven't seen Natsuki since she narrowly avoided serious harm. I also wish to put on record that I am grateful to first Pearl Shizuru Viola for saving my daughter's life." She paused. "Finally, if there is any assistance that the country of Aries can offer to find the ones responsible for this reprehensible act, Garderobe need only ask. I'm sure other countries would gladly offer their aid as well."

What was it that Natsuki said whenever we played that old game she liked? _Checkmate_. While President Kruger's words addressed any badge of conflict, it wasn't like the Pillars would miss the reminder that Natsuki was the daughter - in fact, the spitting image - of the new leader of Aries, and that the life-threatening situation involving said daughter had happened under their very noses. But best of all was the veiled threat that the President herself would bring the matter more closely to the attention of other countries if Garderobe didn't conduct a satisfactory investigation.

The outcome of the inquiry was almost a foregone conclusion after that. With a sour look, the Headmistress punished Natsuki's infraction with time served, and warned her to strictly observe Garderobe's rules in the future.

The Pillars filed out of the room and most of the people followed. Mai lost no time in launching herself at Natuski, exclaiming how happy she was to have her roommate back. Haruka settled for thumping Natsuki enthusiastically on the back. They both had to leave soon after though. Haruka was an outgoing Trias while Mai was an incoming one, and they both had last minute duties. Normally I would be the one briefing the first Coral but since I was excused from such things until the Director said otherwise, I could linger.

I propelled my chair forward, but Natsuki was already striding towards me. She sank into a crouch when she reached me and briefly seized one of my hands. "Thank you, Shizuru," she said, and in that moment her armor and my mask fell away, and we looked at each other in sheer relief.

"I've done nothing noteworthy," I demurred.

"'Noteworthy,'" she chuckled. "Yeah, of course you'd say that."

We smiled widely at each other then, and it was the first genuinely happy smile on my face in weeks. Heartbreak, explosion, injuries - none of them mattered at this moment. Natsuki was free, and as one of the Corals who'd fought in the graduation dance, her place as a Pearl was assured.

I could tell the second Natsuki heard the footfall behind her and remembered that there was one other person left in the room. She stood and turned. "Mom." For five seconds, there was a world of longing in that word. Then she straightened, and offered a stiff, "Congratulations on winning the election."

"Oh Natsuki, that hardly matters now." Without another word, the President swept her daughter into a tight hug that immediately had her squawking, "Mom!"

The woman's hazel eyes were mischievous when she let the mortified girl go. Then, gently, "I'm sorry I couldn't attend the dance. We should've been there. We all watched the broadcast though. You fought well. We're so proud of you."

"Was Dad busy too?" The Coral's tone was noticeably flinty.

Her mother lifted her shoulders in a shrug. "You know how the Earl is. But Alyssa misses you. She wanted to come with me but I thought as matters were..."

Natsuki softened the slightest bit at this. "She'd probably jump for joy if they kicked me out."

"After seeing how you've been hurt, she wouldn't be the only one happy to see you home," the woman offered.

If anything, the affectionate words only made Natsuki frown more. "So you say."

_This was so not a conversation I should be present at._ I cleared my throat, and nearly gulped as the attention of both Krugers swung my way. I began to excuse myself only for the President to interrupt and insist that we both join her for coffee, "Though I understand that you prefer tea, Meister Viola?"

Natsuki fidgeted, and it took little effort to get her to admit that she wanted to pass by the clinic first for a new bandage. She didn't relish being ogled at if we were going somewhere public.

This led, somehow, to the surreal situation of the President of Aries cheerfully offering to push my wheelchair - she waved her aides aside when we emerged from the room - while I directed us back to the lobby, where we would wait for Natsuki.

"Meister Viola -"

"Please, Excellency, I'm not a Meister."

"Semantics. It's just a matter of time," the woman dismissed, and I quickly discovered where Natsuki got her straightforward streak from. "Now, I know that Windbloom will hardly let a jewel like you slip through their hands, but should you find their offer to be other than satisfactory, let me just say that Aries needs Otomes, too. Or if one day, you should find the life of an Otome no longer to your liking, you'd also be welcome. The last isn't an offer from the President of Aries, who has a term of office, but from Earl Kruger and myself. Despite what Natsuki thinks, her welfare continues to be important to her family. We're truly grateful for what you did."

It was a generous offer, and I thanked her sincerely for it. Then I waited for the rest, because there was obviously something else she wanted to say.

She set it up nicely, much more smoothly than her daughter would've, but in the end the question came out just the same. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I was standing right outside the door and couldn't help hearing the exchange before I came in. You're close to my daughter?"

"She's dear to me, Madam President." The truth, and yet far from all of it.

"What a relief." She smiled, obviously not the reaction I was expecting. "I'm glad she's made friends here. My daughter's always been fierce," the woman said fondly, "but ever since... Well, let's just say that she was very angry when she left for Garderobe. She feels that we betrayed her by forcing her to go. Considering what's happened, perhaps she's not entirely wrong."

I shifted uncomfortably. "Excellency, maybe this is something you should take up with Natsuki?"

"Oh I will," she assured me, "in time. But for now, considering what you've done for her, I feel that you should know: while I love my daughter with all my heart, I believe that she's angry still." My face must have shown confusion because she continued, hazel eyes completely serious now. "Natsuki expects the world to betray her. People who expect betrayal, especially from those who claim to care for them, sometimes they act rashly."

"Ma'am, I don't think -"

"Mom? Shizuru?" Natsuki patted the new bandage on her face as she ran up to us. "So where are we off to?" Automatically, she reached for the handles of my chair.

The President had no choice but to step back or be run over by her daughter, who was nearly jumping up and down at the prospect of leaving the grounds after being cooped up for so long. With an amused expression, she said, "Why don't you girls tell me? Surely by now you know where the good coffee is."

* * *

 

By the time we returned, it was late afternoon and Garderobe was quiet. President Kruger dropped us off in front of the infirmary with a kiss on her embarrassed daughter's cheek and a cheery wave goodbye. Then she and her retinue were off, their long black cars glinting in the day's last light.

"I'm sorry you missed the graduation ceremony," Natsuki began as she smoothly pushed my chair along the sidewalk.

"It's alright. I'm officially a graduate anyway, though they want me to be completely recovered before presenting me to Our Lady or fitting me with a Gem."

"Did they say when that will be?"

I shrugged. "I should be well enough by the start of next week, but the doctors will still have to do the tests to make sure. So the presentation will probably take place the week after that."

"So you'll be in Garderobe for another two weeks?"

"It seems that way." My chair ground to a halt. "Natsuki?"

Natsuki made her way around the chair until she was standing right in front of me, but for some reason she kept her head down. "I have to leave for Aries at the end of next week," she said, scuffing her shoe on the pavement. "I'll probably be gone until the end of break."

"Oh." _And by the time you return I will be a Meister, and most likely gone._ While I wrestled the ache in my chest and thought frantically of something to say, Natsuki mumbled a few words. "Sorry, I didn't catch that. What did you say?"

For the first time in weeks, there was a much-missed tinge of pink on Natsuki's cheeks. Still averting her eyes from mine, she muttered, "Will you go out with me? Sometime next week, if you're feeling up to it? Maybe we can spend the day together and explore the city before I go. I've been around Wind City but I'm sure there's much more you can show me."

It was the last thing I expected so I fell back on old, reliable teasing. "Ara, is Natsuki asking me out on a date?" I asked, half-joking.

At long last, green eyes rose and locked with mine. They glittered like emeralds. "I guess I am."

I'm sure some version of me had her jaw on the floor, but my reply was swift and held not an ounce of uncertainty. "Then the answer is yes."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N #2: I can't express my appreciation enough to everyone who reviewed or gave kudos. You guys have been so supportive that I've been feeling twice as guilty about taking so long to get this out. I wrote this update between snatches of coffee and in-between moments like that, and I might have to do that again for some time. Hope this is worth the wait at least. With this chapter, we're close to halfway through. Let me know what you think? Please? :)  
> One last thing. There's a campaign to raise awareness - which AO3 supports I think - about fandom-inspired fiction and art called #FanWorksTaughtMe. If you enjoy fanfics or fan art, why not check it out?


	7. The Past: One Day More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It lives! Apologies and explanations at the end, because after a wait that long, the story should definitely come first. Thanks to xxmadlaxx, who’s always been good at this beta thing but who’s just excellent now. You have her to thank for the ice cream scene.

**THE CORNERS OF THIS ROOM  
** By: wyback

 

**7\. The Past: One Day More**

 

I was officially discharged a week later, the same day they took the bandages off. My head felt much lighter without the thick swatches of gauze. My parents made a surprise appearance and showily accompanied me from the clinic to my room - an awkward affair that lasted about 20 minutes before they were gone again. I studiously ignored the way my mother looked like she might cry when she gripped my hands tightly in goodbye.

 _Yes well, feeling bad didn't bring you any sooner to my side, did it?_ I cut off the bitter thought with a shake of my head. It was over and there were still many things to do.

I was less surprised by the appearance of a stylist an hour later. The professionally cheerful woman was able to cut my hair in a way that artfully covered the fuzzy patches that were shaved during the operation. Because Fumi forbid that a daughter of the House of Viola might be seen about town with raggedy locks. Still, it was welcome, considering that Natsuki and I had agreed to meet in two more days.

 _Two days. And she called it a date._ For a second, I allowed myself the most fanciful of dreams.  Then I set about dealing with the pile of papers on my desk. 

 

* * *

 

 _"I have a surprise for you. Wait for me near the garden and I'll pick you up."_ Yesterday, to test the bounds of my recovery, I'd gone for a run and returned to find that note slipped under my door.

Today, it took every ounce of my training to maintain a calm appearance. But despite my best efforts, my feet refused to keep still. They took me pacing until I was near the appointed place, fifteen minutes early. Nothing could’ve made me stay in my room a second longer.

I never expected this. I'd confessed my feelings, Natsuki had declared that she felt differently, and I had resolved to try to accept that. Then I’d made that joke about dating, and instead of jumping a mile away, Natsuki had agreed?! What was it about this girl and her ability to throw my well-ordered world into a loop?

Finally, my restlessness took me to a bench that was partly hidden behind a line of young trees. Though I sat and waited with hands serenely folded in my lap, I automatically assessed my view of the road. My vantage point was such that I was well aware of anything approaching while I was obscured by the trees. Here was my Garderobe training in a nutshell, even on this most nerve-wracking of days.

The noise of a thrumming engine broke the stillness and I watched distractedly as a motorcycle approached. _Probably someone delivering a message or a package..._ but wasn't this machine too nice for a messenger? Perhaps this was a missive from an important family. Even though I appreciated the sleek lines of the bike, I never could understand why a sane person would elect to ride in something so unwieldy and unprotected, a machine that required constant balance, instead of a nice, steady four-wheeled, enclosed vehicle that shielded its passengers from the harsh elements of Windbloom’s climate. This one was particularly dangerous-looking, with sharp, arrowed curves that boasted of speed and tight corners. Even I could see that it was beautifully crafted.

Suddenly, the bike executed a sharp turn that brought it to rest barely two inches away from the sidewalk. The rider turned the motor off, propped the kickstand into place, and alighted nimbly with practiced ease. The way the motorcycle was parked meant that her back was to me. _Wait_... _her?!_ My eyes rounded in shock as a pair of gloved hands lifted a black, visored helmet with a red stripe from the rider’s head. The move released spools of blue-black locks that spilled past strong shoulders as smoothly as water. Viridian eyes flashed as the girl impatiently shook her glorious hair completely free of its confines. Then she was turning her head this way and that, looking for me.

 _Natsuki_ _?!_ I had to put a hand over my heart because it felt like it was about to pound right out of my chest. All along I thought I already knew her, but this was a side to her that I'd never seen before. Gone was the frilled, proper uniform of a Coral. In its place were solid, thick-soled leather boots that buckled halfway up long, trim legs encased in tight-fitting jeans so dark a blue that they were almost black. They complimented a thin black shirt under a bluish gray, long-sleeved hoodie with the hood down. The outfit wasn't traditionally feminine by any means, but by all the Pillars every part of it somehow emphasized the fact that there was a girl with all the right curves underneath. A very tough girl who had just handled a beast of a machine with an ease that boasted confidence in her abilities.

 _‘Did you really think it was going to be that easy?’_ my traitorous body chided me. I had been attracted to Natsuki from the first. That I ended up falling for her, that I was determined to respect that she didn't return those feelings – none of that changed the fact that she set my blood on fire. And this ferocity to her, on display today for the world to see, _this_ is what I had always sensed in her. This was what had drawn me to her like a moth to the glimmer of a partially hidden flame. In spite of the trappings of my upbringing, the propriety Garderobe instilled and the serenity I cultivated, I was a fighter at heart. Was it so surprising that something in me had recognized a kindred heart in Natsuki?

 _I must really be recovered,_ went a dazed thought, because every part of my body felt alive and focused on this aspect of Natsuki. Either that or I was about to pass out from a major nosebleed. The vision before me made my mouth water. Even the healing cuts on her face – free of stiches and scabbed over thanks to time and Garderobe technology – only served to make her appearance more rakish. Thankfully, she hadn't spotted me yet and I had time to compose myself.

Natsuki must've decided that I was late because she secured the bike and stowed the helmet. With a purposeful stride, she cut through the trees in the direction of the student hall.

"Looking for someone?" I called out as she passed.

Natsuki skidded to a halt and whirled around. The way her jaw dropped was almost comical. "Sh-Shizuru?"

I clasped my hands tightly together to fight the urge to reach for her. "Natsuki looks like she's seen a ghost. I believe I was quite alive when we parted last week."

"Yeah, but – you cut your hair! And your clothes - you look so -" She clamped her mouth shut and turned a shade of red I'd never seen before.

I smiled then, and the desperate feeling inside me gave way to relief and a dash of satisfaction. "Ara, I forgot that Natsuki has never seen me in regular clothes. But I can't really wear my uniform anymore since I've graduated and I haven’t ascended yet so..." With a touch of mischief, I held out my arms and turned in a circle so that she could appreciate the entirety of my outfit. "Does Natsuki like it?"

Oh I knew what I looked like in these clothes. I’d spent long enough in front of a mirror last night. Wind City was an oasis in the dessert but it was hot when summer was so close, and people dressed to match that. While anyone traveling beyond the walls covered up to protect themselves from the harsh dessert sun, within the city everyone wore light, loose clothing, usually in pale colors to ward off the heat with dashes of colored patterns or prints to make things interesting.

Today, I was dressed like many of the women in Wind City, in a short-sleeved, loose-fitting off-white cotton blouse, and a comfortable wraparound skirt that went well past my knees but had a slit that ran well above it. The blouse and skirt had matching linear designs boldly etched in turquoise along their edges. Despite the skin they revealed in comparison to the modest Garderobe uniform, this attire could seem relatively ordinary because everyone wore them. If I walked out of Garderobe right now, I could merge into a crowd and seem like any of a hundred other young women enjoying their summer break. But however she had meant it, Natsuki had called this a date. And so I had chosen this blouse because the pure cotton was just a shade sheer, and the way the cloth fell clasped lightly around the curves of my breasts and showed off the tightness of my midriff when I moved. As for the skirt, I'd fastened it so that the barest movement would reveal a tanned flash of thigh. 

"Er, yes! It’s really…nice," Natsuki added lamely, but her eyes were still a little wide as they roamed up and down my figure.

"Natsuki doesn't look so bad herself," I said appreciatively, and if my voice was slightly husky she only had herself to blame. I knew what I’d dream about tonight. 

"Well, classes are off," she mumbled, "and I'm not sure which uniform to wear."

I found myself reaching for her, and managed to limit myself to pinching the long, gray sleeve of her hoodie. “Are you not too warm in this?”

“A little, but I’ll need it for the ride.” Her eyes sparkled at the mention of her surprise. “C’mon, let me show you!” She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the sidewalk, and the contraption that was leaning there.

It was larger and even more dangerous-looking up close, but Natsuki was grinning at it in pure delight. "This is my bike. Mom brought it over when she arrived and left it with me. I’ll stow it on the transport for most of the way back of course, but once I get to the outskirts of Aries and a proper road, I plan to send most of my stuff ahead and ride it home." She took in my dazed expression. "And I'm guessing you've never been on one before."

I shook my head. "You really know how to use this?" It was a silly question, considering that I'd just seen her on it, but Natsuki took it at face value.

"Oh sure, I've been riding since I was thirteen."

"They give out licenses that young in Aries?" I asked in surprise.

"I didn’t say anything about a license." There was that smirk. "But soon after, yes, they do if you're good enough. I was a junior division motocross racer on the national team." But if I thought my nervousness had escaped notice, the earnestness that followed disabused me, "I promise it's safe, Shizuru. I wouldn't have brought it today if it wasn't. I double-checked everything and took it out yesterday. But if you don’t want to do this, we can probably borrow a car somewhere."

If it were anyone else, I would’ve jumped at that option. But this was Natsuki and she was rarely so openly excited about something. "It's not just a matter of safety," I said, brushing nonexistent dust from my garb. "I am wearing a skirt."

"Oh yeah,” she said, abashed, “I'm sorry, I should've warned you. I just wanted the bike to be a surprise. We won't be going that fast and the slit is high enough, but maybe you can put shorts under that? Or do you want to change?"

“That depends, do I need long sleeves as well?” I indicated her hoodie.

“If you want to, but we won’t be going that fast or that far,” she assured me again, “and I’ll be blocking most of the wind. I’m just wearing this because I’m in front and I burn easily. Don’t worry,” she added at the concern in my expression, “I’m well and truly covered in sunblock. The hoodie’s just extra protection. I’ll take it off when we stop.”

“Very well, I’ll be back in a minute.”

 

* * *

 

If I had any further misgivings about going on a ride with Natsuki, they were dispelled the second she demonstrated how I should best secure myself on the bike. She helped me with my helmet, then straddled the machine and waited until I was comfortably seated behind her. She wrapped my arms firmly around her waist, and instructed that I should lean into her closely so that if we turned or went fast, I could follow the motion of her body.

“Where to?” she shouted over the roar of the motorcycle. I shouted some directions back and with that, we took off.

 _The gods are testing me._ I had not been so tempted since the night we’d spent in my room. And if my palms pressed harder than strictly necessary against the firm plane of her stomach, feeling the muscles jump nervously beneath the thin cloth of her shirt, or if my front practically molded to the sleek curves of her back, at least I could officially attribute it to the nervousness that accompanied my first ride. I didn’t take too much advantage though. I quickly learned what the limits were the first time my hands wandered a little because the bike wobbled. A tiny bit, but enough to teach me that I distracted Natsuki at my peril.

After that, I behaved and directed her to a little-known café that served some of the best brunch in the city. Natsuki let me off first, steadying the bike with her body so I could alight easily. When it was her turn, she paused to take the hoodie off and tie it around her waist. I nearly gulped as sculpted arms, normally hidden by the long sleeves of a Coral’s uniform, came into view. I remembered how surely those arms had guided me in the baths many months ago.

It was a working day and only a few students on summer break were inside the cafe. I was confident that in our regular clothes and with my shorn locks, we wouldn’t be recognized as Garderobe students. We weren’t, but people still looked up as Natsuki and I passed. A boisterous quartet of boys and girls fell silent and badly pretended not to watch us until we were seated. That was the first time I considered what a striking couple we probably made, Natsuki’s dark brashness next to my lighter refinement. 

“So,” I asked tentatively as a waiter brought my tea and her coffee, “junior motocross racing?” It was a possibly sensitive subject, but I wondered if that was one of the dreams that she’d had to give up when she came to Garderobe.

Thankfully, the green eyes lit up once more. "I only raced twice with the national team before my family decided to send me to Garderobe, but before that I’d won a few races on my own. And you have an idea what being on a bike is like now. There’s nothing like it, just you and your machine and a road,” she said enthusiastically. “Not that racing would've been my life but who knows? Maybe I could’ve gone into mechanical design or engineering. But that’s all in the past now,” she sighed.

She looked so downcast that I found myself saying, “The President sounded like she would be supportive if Natsuki decided to return to her former life.” I immediately wanted to slap my mouth shut. Why was I suggesting things that would take Natsuki even further away from me?

It didn’t matter anyway, because Natsuki’s expression hardened. “Yeah, right.”

“You don’t believe her?” I frowned. Meeting President Saeko and watching her defense of Natsuki had briefly made me wonder what it would’ve been like if I had at least one parent like that. “She did make an appearance for your sake,” I pointed out.

"Sure, because it wouldn't exactly look great if her daughter got kicked out of Garderobe during her first year in office, would it?" Natsuki scoffed. "But okay, let’s say she meant it,” she allowed. “That doesn’t change the fact that if I returned home, the duty to become an Otome would fall to my sister, Alyssa. She would never let that happen to Alyssa." For a second, I saw the knowledge of it flicker in her eyes, that her mother had agreed to risk her and effectively chosen Alyssa’s safety over her own. Then she blinked, and it was gone. "At least that's something we both agree on," she pronounced firmly. 

“Would Alyssa make a good candidate for Garderobe?” I was curious. Natsuki had once laughingly shown me a picture of her sister. She was a small girl, several years younger, with blond hair lighter than mine. In the picture, she was sticking her tongue out at the camera and making funny faces.

Natsuki mulled this over. “She has the determination for it.”

“But…?”

She smiled at me. “You’ve never heard Alyssa sing, have you? Not even on those shows they broadcast from Aries? For me to give up racing is one thing, it’s a personal loss. But to force the Angel of Aries to stop singing? That would be a loss for the whole country, possibly the world. Don’t get me wrong, she’s my kid sister and she can be a pain. But when she sings, I swear to you, it’s the way you imagine angels would sound, pure and clear even on the highest notes. The best choirs and conservatories in the world have been after her since she was nine.”

She sounded so proud of her. “She must miss Natsuki a great deal.”

“Maybe. It’s been a year since we’ve seen each other so…” Natsuki tugged self-consciously at the ends of her hair. “Do you know, the night before I left, Alyssa snuck into my room and sang me to sleep? That’s the memory I held onto during my first weeks in Garderobe. Some of my classmates cried, especially on their first night here, but I never let myself. I was so homesick; I knew that if I started I wouldn’t stop.”

“Oh Natsuki.” I had no idea. But then to me leaving home and the oppressive thumb of the Violas had been a relief. At least Garderobe was strict only in matters that affected the students’ training. “If Alyssa is so gifted, perhaps your parents won’t send her to Garderobe.”

"And leave the ‘honor’ of providing another Otome to others? That will never happen,” she returned bitterly. She might’ve said more, but our food arrived and the conversation turned to lighter, ordinary topics.

We spent the rest of the day together and explored the city in a way the demands of Garderobe had never allowed us to before. Even if we had had the time, it wouldn’t have been the same if we had been in our uniforms.

I took her to the park, where we bought ice cream from a man who’d been making them using his own recipe and selling them at the same stall since I was a child. Natsuki produced a set of earbuds and let me listen to a recording of Alyssa while we walked. To my surprise, it was every bit as good as she’d said. Alyssa sang effortlessly, and the clear notes transported me briefly to another place.

It was only when the song ended that I noticed how much trouble Natsuki was having with her cone. She wasn’t used to the way ice cream melted so fast outdoors, and I laughed as she frantically tried to cram as much of the soggy cone as she could into her mouth. While I’d quickly and methodically finished mine even as we walked, licking each side by turns and catching any drips before they reached my hand, Natsuki’s hand was a slathered mess and the area around her mouth was sticky with melted chocolate. It was twice as funny because she was dressed so toughly today. We had to stop by a small water fountain so she could clean it off. By then, she was understandably grouchy.

“Natsuki missed a spot next to – no, a little more to the left, no, oh here just let me do it.” It was an innocent gesture, I swear, the way my thumb swiped near the corner of her mouth where a teeny smear of chocolate stubbornly clung.

Only Natsuki went completely still at the touch, all trace of grumbling suddenly vanished. I kept to my task but I felt her eyes on me the whole time. By the time I finished and pronounced her ice cream-free, there were other people waiting to use the fountain, and neither of us said anything about it as we resumed our walk.  

We stopped at a few other places, and Natsuki was able to buy a few souvenirs for her family. In the mid-afternoon, I guided her up a near-deserted road that winded up a small mountain. Unlike most of the stony crags surrounding Wind City, this one was touched with green, and halfway up the top was a small plateau with a wooded park that mostly only locals knew about.

We parked the bike in a safe spot and took over one of the tables and benches that dotted the area. A family with young children nodded to us, obviously on their way down after a picnic lunch. That left the park practically deserted.

Natsuki draped her hoodie over the seat of the bike, together with our helmets. She opened a top box attached to the rear of her bike and handed me a cool bottle of one of her lemon-orangey drinks. When I looked at it askance, she smirked and assured me that it wasn’t spiked this time. After all, she was driving and I’d never ridden a bike before.

“What else did you manage to fit in that compartment?” I asked as she got another bottle for herself.

“You’d be surprised. My entire kit fits in there on a long distance run. Sandwich? I got these at the café.”

I accepted, because we’d been too full to have lunch and now I was getting hungry. A comfortable silence fell over us as we ate. It was slightly cooler up here because of the higher altitude and the park was peaceful.

“You liked her, didn’t you?” Natsuki asked as we brushed crumbs off of our clothes. “My mom.”

I glanced at her. It seemed like a trick question somehow, and I answered carefully. “I appreciated the way she came to Natsuki’s defense.”

She ignored that bit of dissemblance. “I liked her too, once. I looked up to both of my parents when I was younger, but I always felt closer to my mom because she seemed to understand me. So when my father lectured me on my duty to the Kruger line, it was a shock when she agreed. It's not enough that our family's title reaches back to a time when Aries was a monarchy, they told me, we had to ensure that our influence remains under the 'new' government too." She rolled her eyes at that, as Aries had been a republic for more than a century. "'Course, next to your parents, mine are saints but..."

"It's still not right," I finished softly.

"Yeah. I just wish – why did they have to pretend like that?” she burst out. “If you had asked me two years ago whether my parents loved me, I would've given you a resounding yes. Then my cousin died and that was bad enough, it felt like I'd lost an older sister. But then out of nowhere..." She took a deep breath. “I never told you this, but there was another girl in our line, a few degrees removed and slightly older than me. We weren’t close but she loved everything about Otomes. If my father had supported her financially, she could’ve applied to Garderobe. But the Earl told me to go instead. I couldn't understand why, when she was willing and I wasn't. We argued for weeks until finally Dad lost his temper and told me the real reason: if she went, the prestige and the influence of her branch of the family would shoot up exponentially. It might even rival our standing one day. We hold the title to the Kruger line, and my father didn't want to risk that. As for my mother, I didn’t understand how she could agree, until she began her campaign for the presidency and my acceptance into Garderobe showed up on half of her posters. It demonstrated how patriotic we were."

So Natsuki’s family had offered her up for the sake of ambition just as mine had. No wonder she’d felt betrayed. I now understood the undercurrents between mother and daughter. Funny how it was always the people one cared about that had the capacity to inflict the deepest scars. The way Natsuki spoke about her family showed how much they had hurt her. At least in my case my parents had never pretended that I was other than a means to an end. "This other girl, is she as good as you?"

"Back then? I don't know. Now though..." However much Miss Maria might complain, Natsuki was an incoming Trias. That was no mean feat in Garderobe.

"Then, for whatever reason, perhaps Natsuki is where she is meant to be."

“I suppose.” Natsuki grumbled as she flipped back a lock of hair that brushed against the left side of her face. It was a new habit since her long hair kept flowing forward and irritating the mending cuts on her cheek. While Garderobe technology had easily taken care of the dangers of the injury, leaving the mending wound uncovered and allowing Natsuki's nanoprobe-augmented body to heal on its own was the best way of letting it heal with minimum scarring.   

Natsuki was more impatient than vain, and left to herself she might've opted for a quicker procedure that would've left her with a “cool scar.” The decision to take this longer route had partly been made for my sake. She had caught me looking at the gash on her face more than once, and it was enough for her to go with the Director's plan for a slower but surer route. To me, it seemed a smarter choice, too. An Otome with a scar might've been intriguing, but it was also standing proof that she was not invulnerable.

This time, as my eyes followed the motion of her hand and strayed to her cheek, she blurted out, "Does it still bother you?"

The question startled me. "How does Natsuki mean?"

"Not so cute anymore huh?" she quipped, as if it was the last thing that mattered.

 _Which meant that it did._ My eyes narrowed. "Does Natsuki really think that something like this will affect how I feel? Am I so shallow?"

"Then why do you keep looking at me as if –” she cut herself off when she noticed how truly irritated I was. She lifted her hand in a conciliatory gesture. “I just want to know."

I sighed. "It's proof of my failure."

"Shizuru, that's…stupid. Sorry," Natsuki added before I could respond, “but it is.”

"Is it?" I asked. From the day the bandage had come off, I couldn’t help thinking that if I had moved faster or shielded her better, that perfection wouldn’t have been marred.

She shook her head at my stubbornness. Slowly, she reached out and caught the shorn ends of my hair between her fingers. "And what about my failure?" she asked softly.

I breathed deep as the act brought us closer. Natsuki rubbed the tawny strands, which were currently at a length that fell just above my collar. I hadn’t worn it this short since I was a child. “Natsuki…” _Don't be silly, you know it wasn't your fault,_ my reproachful look said _._

A black brow quirked. _And it was yours?_ "Don’t get me wrong, this style looks great on you, but..."

 _It was a reminder._ I released my breath as her hand fell. "It'll grow back."

Natsuki grinned at me. "And cuts heal. Or maybe it’ll leave a cool scar." She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter to me either way if it doesn’t bother you. I just wish it’d heal faster because my hair keeps falling over it.”

“About that.” I cleared my throat self-consciously. “I may have a solution.” Now here was something that I was truly nervous about. I’d been looking for an opportunity all day and this was undoubtedly it. Green eyes widened as I drew a small velvet box from a pocket skillfully sewn into my skirt. “Will you allow me, as your oneesama, to give my heya-gakkari a parting gift?” I asked formally.

I opened the box and held my breath as for several seconds, Natsuki only stared. I nearly sighed in relief when she lifted the small, silvery piece from the box. “It’s a hair clip?” Her expression was thoughtful as she turned the barrette over in her hand. It was shaped like a thick, stylized Z, but I’d gotten it because it reminded me of the lightning-like strikes we’d traded during our dance. Natsuki was a Kruger and recognized fine things. The seamlessness of the gleaming metal and the way it shone like pure silver but seemed nearly weightless in her hand told her that this was no ordinary clip, and when she looked back at me I confirmed it.

“The students of Garderobe aren’t allowed to display jewelry beyond their Gems, but this is simply an accessory to hold your hair in place,” I explained. “It was also made by the finest jeweler in Wind City. I’ll not tell you what the metal is, but it will never lose its luster or tarnish.”

“Shizuru, isn’t this too much?” Natsuki seemed hesitant, but she held her hair back when I tucked the wayward strands behind her left ear. I took the barrette from her and clipped the tiny lightning bolt securely in place. It shone even more brightly against her blue-black locks, and when Natsuki raised her head with a confident flash in her eyes, for a second I glimpsed, not the student that she was, but the woman she would be.

"There. Natsuki is no longer my heya-gakkari." I spoke with a touch of sadness.

"That's where you're wrong, because a part of me always will be." She pronounced it, not sweetly, but with such an annoyed tone of resignation that was so Natsuki, it made me smile. Affectionately, I placed my hands on her shoulders and pulled her close. I heard her gasp a little, but she allowed it. She must’ve thought that I was going to kiss her.

 _Ah but I cannot kiss you like that, not if I want to be able to say goodbye and keep my sanity._ I guided our heads together until our foreheads were touching. "Be safe, my Natsuki, and strong. Let this be a charm to protect you." And I did touch her skin with my lips then, laying a simple, chaste kiss on her brow, right where it wrinkled most often. It was an innocent benediction that many Windbloom parents bestowed on their children or older siblings on their younger sisters and brothers. Even my mother had managed, on the night before I'd left for Garderobe.

I let her go and drew away, ready now for the end of this day despite the heaviness in my heart.

But Natsuki caught me. Her hand circled my wrist and pulled me back until we were nearly as close as we’d been on her bike. “Is that really the kiss you want to leave me with?” she asked huskily. When I looked at her with wide eyes, she continued shyly, “Well…didn’t you say that this was a date?”

Years of training, and somehow this one girl had the ability to throw it all out the window. "Natsuki is...confusing me," I stammered.

"Welcome to my world," she replied ruefully. "You've been confusing me since the day you told me off for not trying hard enough."

The direct way she gazed at me made me catch my breath. I had seen many girls (and boys) look at me like this, but never Natsuki. “You said you didn’t feel that way.” I wasn’t just talking to her. I was reminding both of us because it was the only thing stopping me from sweeping her into my arms.

"Shizuru, I don’t know if I’m where you are,” she admitted slowly, her forehead crinkling in that adorable way it did when she was deep in thought. “But when you nearly died in my arms, and when we kissed… I know what I said then, but I can’t get that kiss out of my head." Color bloomed in her cheeks, so lightly that it could’ve been from the heat of the day. "I wish I could do this year over. If I’d had more sense then maybe we could've spent more days like this, and I wouldn't be as confused as I am now." Luminous green eyes captured mine. “The one thing I am sure of is I don't want to lose you,” she said with a break in her voice. “I almost lost you during the dance. Now I'm losing you for good and the thought that I might never see you again makes everything in here -" she brought a fist to her chest - " _rebel_. It hurts so much!”

In that moment, she let me see her pain. We all learn how to shield our most vulnerable feelings from the world. This was true even of such a forthright person as Natsuki. But in this second she stood before me in naked honesty, and the courage of it took my breath away. Yes, I had declared myself first. But now Natsuki let every feeling, even her uncertainty, show in her words, her face, and in the tears that glimmered in her eyes. It was present even in the way she stood, with shoulders slumped, as if everything worth living for had already been taken from her.

“Natsuki…” Her name fell from my lips helplessly. _I will do anything_ , _whatever it takes to take this pain from you. If you but ask, Natsuki, I –_ and that’s when my head finally caught up with my heart. Fumi help me, this was no infatuation or deep but simple feeling that would pass with time, was it? I would do anything for her, even give up the aims my entire life had been shaped for!

 _I love Natsuki utterly._ I could only stare at her while inside I reeled. I wasn’t sure what she saw in my face as I stood there in shock, because in the next second she was touching my arm in concern. “I’m sorry, Shizuru, I shouldn’t have burdened you with this. You’re ascending and I’m leaving, and I can’t even tell you how I really feel. Not very Otome-like of me, right?” She wiped at her eyes angrily. “I’m so stupid someti-”

I grabbed her. I pulled her into my arms in a way that was completely graceless and fumbling, and crushed my mouth against hers. It was the only way to stop the words that would assure our mutual destruction from passing my lips. _Ask me, Natsuki. Ask me to run away with you before I take my vow and pledge my life to someone else._ We would be hunted down. Perhaps they would eventually let Natsuki go since technically she wasn’t a Pearl yet. But she would be disgraced and perhaps disowned for bringing shame on her family. What was certain was if we ran and Garderobe caught us, they would ensure that Natsuki and I would never see each other again.

So I kissed her instead, and this time I did it the way I had wanted to since the day I’d fallen for her. I tangled my hand in her hair and took a fistful of those silky locks while my other hand wrapped around the back of her neck. I held her in place so I could drink my fill from her lips and pour everything I had ever felt into our kiss. When Natsuki parted her mouth at the insistence of my tongue, I plunged right in. I was not inexperienced at kissing, we both knew that, but today I showed her. With each stroke of my tongue, every suck on her lips, I brought us both to the brink of wanting more. I didn’t stop until Natsuki was clutching at me, her grip hard around my waist. When she moved, when those hands traveled the slightest distance so the tips of her fingers could dip under my shirt and touch my skin, I gasped into her mouth.

By the time we broke apart, our chests were heaving with the need for air. We balanced drunkenly on our feet as we stared at each other. Natsuki’s hand shook as she brought it up to touch her lips, swollen and red in the aftermath our kiss.

I took that hand and brought it to my lips. I felt her tremble. “I love you, Natsuki.”

I wanted to kiss her again so badly. I wanted to do more than kiss her. And while I could do any of those things if Natsuki were willing, what I wished for most of all – to be with her past this day and for the foreseeable future – was impossible. We had no resources of our own, and our families and countries had pledged us to Garderobe. And I was a graduate, a precious resource. Even if Natsuki asked it of me, even if I tried to run, they would chase me to the ends of the earth.

Natsuki watched me silently. After this year, she had seen me too many times not to recognize when I had come to a difficult decision. When I met her gaze in a silent plea for understanding, she squeezed my hand before pulling away. “I – we should go back if we want to make it in time for curfew.” Her voice was heavy with tears.

Our return was silent. By the time we returned to wider roads, the sky was ablaze with the colors of a sun just beginning its descent. But the beauty of it only seemed to mock us. No words were enough, so none were spoken. I clung to her the entire way, memorizing what it felt like to have her in my arms one last time.

Natsuki didn’t get off the bike when we arrived at the same spot where she had parked this morning. I recognized the tension of a body that was barely holding itself together, but she held out her hand and gripped mine briefly. “I will never forget you, Shizuru.”

"Until we meet again, Natsuki." And I did the hardest thing I had ever had to do since I’d arrived at Garderobe. I turned on my heel, and walked away from her. Behind me, I heard the heartbroken roar of a motorcycle.

_Goodbye, my Natsuki._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) To everyone who’s been so patient, kind and even concerned, I’m so grateful. Thank you for the reviews, kudos and messages. I’m sorry I couldn’t reply and even more sorry for the long wait. I hope this chapter was good enough to make up for that in some small way. I practically disappeared from anything fanfic- or fiction-related (if you read this Mel, sorry about that again!) for awhile because work threw so many immovable, simultaneous deadlines at me. There was no time to write, or even read for more than 5 minute snatches, because spare time went to sleep and RL stuff (like groceries - if you keep putting them off, one day you wake up and there’s no coffee :P ). I can’t promise that that won’t happen again, but for now things are manageable and a couple of scenes for the next chapter are already written.  
> 2) Did anyone like seeing Natsuki on her bike? ;) While there are things about HiME that bother me, I’ve always liked biker-Natsuki. That short but meaningful scene in Otome where Natsuki’s on her bike shows how much it brings out the badass in her.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback feeds the muse. Just saying. =) What I like about Mai Otome is simply this: Shizuru loves Natsuki without apology or shame. There's the risk of heartbreak and being unrequited, as there is in every relationship, but no belief that her love is somehow wrong or (depending on the translation you get) wicked. Or maybe the Shizuru in Mai Otome, being a kickass supersoldier, just doesn't care. ;)


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